I have been wondering something lately that I am still trying to sort through in my head: is it possible to be a liar and a great guy? Are these two things separate? Can one person be the best and worse thing that has ever happened to you?
I got out of a "long-term" relationship several months ago, (if you can call 2 1/2-ish years "long"?). I don't regret ending it, I should have broken it off even sooner for more reasons than I'll ever share, but, I didn't, I can't go back, it is what it is. Now that I have recovered from the self-inflicted lie that nobody else would love me, I have come to the realization that anyone could love me but not in the same way.
No person loves exactly like the last or the next or the one after that, no two are the same.
I have come to love and hate that concept. I don't want those same lies, I don't want all the apologies I deserve to be ruined with excuses, I do still want someone to passionately kiss me from the pit of their heart bursting with love and adoration for me. I miss sweet little nothings.
Now, for some reason I've been getting either the guys playing the hyperbole game where they play themselves up to be these perfect guys that pretend that nothing is ever wrong in their lives (nothing turns me off faster than pretending & "perfect". Both of those?=deal breaker!) or worse, the guys that play the pity card & are so sensitive about every word I ever say that it becomes obnoxious (insecurity is always unattractive).
Or the newest addition to the "I will NEVER date" collection: A man that is smart, attractive, determined, hardworking but is a complete and total pervert.
Listen to this:
I'm going to sugarcoat this situation as much as possible and leave plenty of detail out for a perfectly sound reason. I feel a lot like Taylor Swift, song bashing boys but that is not my intention. I am seriously curious as to why guys think they can get away with things like this! I met a guy, we had a "date". He told me on the "date" that he played mind games and manipulated women to get into their pants (basically). That "date" couldn't have ended fast enough!!! I can't even believe that there are guys out there like that! Does anyone still know how to treat a Lady without being cheesy or insecure?
The more men I meet, the higher my standards get. I feel as though I have plenty of great men with morals in my life but that I push them away at the first sign of insecurity or hint that they want something more with me.
I'm am in the midst of an internal conflict. I don't want my ex but I still want a kiss like that. I still want to be cared for without having to let anyone in. I push away good things because I don't want them. Why don't I want them? Why am I letting so many good things go to waste?
Yet, my standards are still on the rise and are NONnegotiable. I'm feeling good about myself but why are all these extremists after my affection? I don't want to choose! I am a firm believer that confusion is not of the Lord. I haven't met one man I haven't had a doubt about, ever. I know God has a plan & I trust it and am excited to sit back and watch it play out but why do people have to misconstrue a friendly personality with wanting to pursue something more? Can two people of different genders ever truly just be friends?
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