Sweet Summer

I have never taken summer school before.

I usually go away to serve at Christian adventure camps that keep me outside from the time the sun comes up, back in later than its setting again. I usually travel away from technology, away from contact with the outside world, pack a headlamp, some chacos, a backpack bible, and get out of town. I love not being able to be contacted directly. I love being away, unreachable, for the most part.

When I think of summer I think of sunshine, cold rivers, tanned skin, hiking, biking, ice-pops, cave splunking, tubing, bible studies, good friends, starry nights, packed bags, flights, exploring unknown territory, sleepovers, laughs, learning new languages, traveling through more than 3 states in one day, fireworks, lemonade, swimming, going on random excursions, anything but textbooks and tuition.

I see everyone in this season called summer around me & surprisingly, I don't feel even the slightest bit sad about being in class this summer for a few short weeks.

Oddly, I'm stuck in this joyous place that has led me to discover new hobbies, expand my creativity, and to spend some sweet time making new friends or catching up with older ones.

Suddenly, I realize I am perfectly happy exactly where I am this summer, this semester, in life, generally.

Because there just comes a moment when you have to let go of everything everyone else seems to be doing to simply enjoy the moment YOU are in. That's exactly what this summer has begun as & I'm thankful.

Sweet summer, so excited for how these next few months take unexpected turns.

Risk For Love

Well, ABC's The Bachelorette season is upon us again, and I, like probably many other women (or poor, suckered men), am excited.

 I grew up in a family that thrived on a mutual liking of the drama of reality TV. We have watched every single season of The Bachelor/Bachelorette, made our bets, and voiced many opinions. It's so fun for us to watch these hopeful men and women travel around the world to make fools of themselves, to become famous, to sing ridiculous songs, to show off rock-hard bodies, to cry, to do so many things, most importantly to find love. And while many argue that this show isn't the best outlet to find what they are looking for, I say, go for it.

 There are crazy ways to meet people. The timing works out sometimes. Worst-case scenario, a heart or two get broken, but best-case scenario: love and romance is found and it lasts.

 When we open ourselves to opportunities, when we put ourselves on the line we quickly find out that it is worth the deepest hurts to find an unconditional companion.

I hope that you will take chances for love and find that it is worth it every single time.

Family is Forever

Uninterrupted

Bubble baths are wonderful.

I don't know if it's because the warmth of the water is relaxing and the dim restroom lighting makes a great place to ponder life, current events, or vicariously join others through the reading of an adventurous novel, but I have always loved stealing some quiet moments away from the world. Then when I've soaked long enough or I've reached the end of another chapter, I'll call it quits & simply watch the water gently drift down the drain, on it's way to wherever it ends up next. 

It always makes me giggle a bit to think of the emotions evoked while enjoying a simple pleasure like draining bath water can bring. For some reason the Lord always uses that time to remind me that He's got hold of me and isn't planning on letting go. 

I can't wrap my mind around this completely. I'm not sure anyone can.

How strong, how mighty, how gentle, how fierce, how all of these qualities can be wrapped up into a God who loves us tenderly, unconditionally. It's too big, too deep, too wide for comprehension.

Oh, but I try.

And I feel that love.

I feel it in simple moments shared above.

I feel it when I'm brokenhearted, thinking surely I cannot overcome whatever obstacle may be barricading me. He fights for me, for you. He comforts you with promises of a future, of His plans with only your best intensions in mind. When doubts creep in & our lives are bogged down with interruptions, He picks us up again, places us on a solid ground of Truth.

He promises & I will uninteruptingly believe.

I hope that as the water seeps out, His presence and promise and love seep in and remain uninterrupted.

Fading Moments

When I was younger I used to ride my bike around the block and quietly choose houses for all of my friends for when we grew up so we could be neighbors. I always gave them the fanciest houses and took the ordinary one for myself because I knew I would need to give them some sort of incentive in order for all of them to agree to move onto the street and stay forever.

I suppose it started young, this idea of always being near to those I'd miss. Even as I left high school, I was comforted in knowing what everyone was doing, even if we were apart, still going to school, living similar lives.

Now, as I see people I care so deeply for, or even those I've enjoyed the past few months getting to know in class, transitioning into whatever is next, it's sad. The truth is that many of us will never see each other again. People will move to different parts of the world, go off to various graduate schools, join the military and be shipped away, or just be off doing anything but enjoying college.

Sure, I may pass some of them on the street one day years from now & we will glance, thinking they look vaguely familiar or stop and chat for just a second but we will never have these moments back. They were fading since the beginning but now they've caught up to me & I realize that life is moving much quicker than I anticipated.

True to Yourself

The day we've anticipated for years beyond high school has come: college graduation. It's not my time yet, that is coming in a few short months, faster than I am able to comprehend, probably. Yet, as I watched various friends pridefully march across that grand stage and collect the diploma they've worked so hard to earn, I couldn't help but think, they think their lives are just beginning but really they began long ago. People leave legacies without even realizing it. People in younger stages will look back on friendships they've formed with those who have graduated and moved on and remember them. There is no escape from who you are to people, it's those memories that will keep your spirit alive long after you depart.

It's strange to be on my side of things, watching loved ones pack up what they've collected over the years, kiss the freedom of college goodbye to find themselves completely cut off from parents, comforts of a college-aged town, and struggling to figure out, still, what they want to do with their lives. It's odd to hug them goodbye not knowing where they may end up or when we may cross paths again...if ever. It's bittersweet but I wish them all one common thing:

That you may always be true to yourselves. Don't try to be the hero or mask yourself with false identity. I hope your years of college taught you enough about life to realize that being yourself is the best thing you can be. I hope when you are hurt, you feel it deeply. When you mess up, you own it. When you've wronged another, you apologize. When you are fearful or full of doubt, you voice it. & when you feel joyous, it will come from the pit of your being, never to please those around you but because you are being exactly what you are: content. I wish many moments of contentment and pride.

"One light cannot go out if it lights 1,000 others." 
I heard that quote and thought that when we free ourselves to be transparent, broken, simply genuine, we free others to be so, as well. When we shine lights of Christ, our need for Him, because of our lack of perfection, we become more beautiful, contagiously. And when we accept ourselves as exactly what we are, others do too and it is beautiful.

Running Dry

Tonight I found myself running to get my phone, forgetting when I entered my bedroom what it was that I was looking for, then picking up my Bible instead.

As I peeled it open, looking for nothing in particular, I decided I would take the night off, delve into the bathtub full of nearly scorching water and overwhelming bubbles, and just have some sweet quiet time.

Near the end, when my toes were wrinkled with sogginess and my hair was dripping wet, I decided I couldn't stand the now lukewarm water that continued to engulf me. I challenged myself to stay within it until the last bit of water trickled down the drain and I did. As I watched it slowly disappear I couldn't help but think of how sometimes God allows our entire lives to run dry: various relationships, hopes, current circumstances, false security, stability. How sometimes when our lives seem to be on track and we aren't running passionately toward Him, He shakes it up. 

But He doesn't leave it dry, He fills it up with His goodness & I'm holding out to see it overflow again.

Unconditional Love

I've realized that when I'm feeling really passionate about something, I write about it. It starts with something brilliant in my head and by the time I reach paper, the passion has usually faded a bit and sometimes it doesn't actually get written at all but this one I must speak of.

The memory of your face haunts me. I cannot close my eyes without thinking of you, or wake into a day of sunshine without wondering how you are. I cannot breathe without caring deeply for your well-being or smile without thinking of all the features about you that I may have borrowed.

It was easy to think of you as a sort of mystery man. Someone I vaguely remember helping us build a swing-set upon a hill in our backyard, letting us paint it hot pink, then printing our hands & feet all over it in electric blue. Your handprint was there and I remembered you by it far after your departure. But now I have heard your raspy, quiet voice. I have felt your warm embrace and seen the way your toothless smile lights the faces of little girls who have missed you for so long.

I cannot keep from worrying and praying about your health or future. I cannot help but desire for you to call me or just become easily reachable.

You are so heavy on my heart, not as a burden but a deep compassion. To see truth spoken from your lips and tears shed from your eyes--to be reminded of your crooked nose or your silly ears. I cannot stop examining your face, wishing it close to mine once again, to hear you speaking of the journey that has led to redemption. The very thing I've prayed for you: you found, the Lord. & still, I am broken for you. I do not want you to travel back down the road you came from, I want you near to me & safe under my care.

But I have to be okay without you, as I once was before. Though I don't know how to surrender you to Him, I know He will take care of you. You are right, you're forgiven and I hope that you blossom beneath that forgiveness and find the joy of the Lord as your strength for all of your days.

I love you, unconditionally.