New Year

I have much to share concerning Christmas break and life as of late.

I will continue this blog, promising to be better at keeping up with it in 2011.

Right now? Surviving a ear infection and looking forward to looking back on this blog on the eve of 2012, remembering all the great parts of the year.

Happy new year, I hope you take the time to make a resolution and make it come true.

Christmas Eves Eve

This Christmas season I hope that I am not much obsessing over the microscopic details of things needing to be done, rather, I hope to enjoy the people, the moments and to cherish the memories we will make this holiday season.

I hope this for you too.

Thank you Jesus for giving us a grand reason to celebrate!

For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest upon His shoulders. And He will be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Isaiah 9:6

Dreams of the Night

I have been having terrible dream as of late and it worried me a bit so I decided to try and put them into the context of my life and then see what the biblical foundation of dreams were.

I actually had two nightmares last night.

Reality:

Yesterday was a little rough. My boyfriend is leaving the country for 10 days so we celebrated our Christmas last night because we wouldn't get to be together on the actual day. And while the presents were fun, thoughtful and entertaining, the elephant of leaving was still in the room. I was worried about him flying and going to an unsafe dictated country.

Dream #1:

My boyfriend, Alberto and I headed into HEB to pick up a few items (that I did not actually know of). While we were in the store I decided I was uninterested in walking all the way to back of the store and then wait in the super long lines so we decided to split up and that I would look at girly things close to the front of the store to then wait in the line until he came so that we would be closer to getting out. 

So, I was wrapping up my glance shopping in the hair-care section when I hear a gun shot. I immediately hit the floor and squiggle to the end of the aisle in an attempt to locate the gunman. I immediately spot him heading my way so I climb on the bottom, which happened to have sleeping bags on it. Hair care and sleeping bags? I hurriedly unzipped one that was laid out as an example and pushed myself into it. A few other people tried to do the same. We all pretended to be asleep. Why would people be asleep in a grocery store? The gunman headed around the corner onto the sleepy aisle. I had my eyes closed but I remember the feeling and vision I had of that gun pointing right at me as though my eyes had been wide open. He points the gun at me for about three solid seconds before he get startled at the sight of my sleeping face, says something I do not understand and then walks away. 

I realize as he walks away and from having the eyes wide open image rather than the quiet of my sleeping mind, the gunman is my boyfriend's father.

Reality:

Alberto's father is an EXTREMELY nice man. He says hello to me and jokes with his kids. He seems to be a great provider and strength for his family. He is a student, a Christian and lives nowhere near the HEB I imagined us to be in within the duration of this dream. 

Dream #1 cont'd: 

He walks away and I am suddenly thankful and believe that I am close enough to the door that I could make a run for it when he was far enough away. Because even though I had known this person, he aimed a gun at me. He had shot someone already and seemed to be on a mission. Doesn't he worry that since I am in here his own son is as well?  I am confused and frightened. 

I lay there a while longer until I hear a gunshot on the far left side of the store toward the back. I would be out of sight if I ran to the opposite front exit. I decided to do it. I squirmed out of my sleeping bag and sprinted as fast as I could toward the exit. Why didn't I care for those next to me? Why didn't I invite them? Was I in shock? Or am I being selfish? I make it almost all the way to the door when I realize I left my satchel (Indiana Jones has one) lying next to my previously occupied sleeping bag. I turn back thinking I could call Alberto to tell him to run for it as well, hoping he was close enough to the other side of the store to head safely to that exit. I need the phone in my purse, my reason for heading back.

I grad the purse and still have enough belief that the gunman has not yet moved that I don't hesitate at all to run back toward that exit. I hit the door and I felt that cold rush hit my skin. I did not feel better. I began going through scenarios of where Alberto was and if he was safe. Had he hidden or was he confronted? I decided against calling because if he was hidden his ringing phone may give him up. I felt completely helpless. 

Suddenly I wondered why nobody exited with me. I felt alone and worried that I was alone. I immediately had the thought there is another gunman outside guarding the exit. 

 I spotted him.

Then I woke up.

End of dream. 

The Bible speaks of dreams in Isaiah 29:8 when it says, "A hungry person dreams of eating but wakes up still hungry. A thirsty person dreams of drinking but is still faint from thirst when morning comes. So it will be with your enemies, with those who attack Mount Zion." You may dream of eating or drinking, but when you awake you are still empty. It may have appeared real, but it was not.

something else to consider here is that dreams are not necessarily supposed to mean anything.

Consider Ecclesiastes 5:7

"For in the multitude of dreams and many words there are also divers vanities: but fear thou God."

This verse tells us that a multitude of dreams can be worth absolutely nothing. We are not to trust in them, however real they seem; we are rather to fear God.

Nannying Independence

Today was basically my first day at work. I am going to be a nanny, which is actually surprisingly harder than my last job of a home healthcare provider for a medically dependent child. This job requires entertaining a baby for 9 hours a day, several days a week. So, yes, today was the first day in which I was evaluated while Reagan (baby)'s momma was there to help me before I was left completely on my own. It was exhausting for a short duration of only 2 and a half hours, I'll definitely be praying for daily nap time when I officially begin. How do you get past the period of feelings of abandonment and screaming to the child actually productively napping during this portion of the day?

There was a point in time when I began getting restless and wished word would arise that I could be relieved for the day. I realized quickly as that thought had enough time to fade away that I'd have to surrender my own needs to care for the helpless needs of this little one. Occasionally, when I refused to let Reagan rip out and chew on each pop-out in the various pop-up books that I resorted to after hours passed, she would whine. The poor baby was teething, I myself resembled the winced face as my wisdom teeth were appearing these past few weeks. She denied the binky, apparently she has never been one to quietly suck on something that was actually made to ease or distract from the pain of growing teeth.

Have I mentioned that Reagan is also nearing the age of independence? She is in the wobbly stage between being a lugged around vegetable and the stage of stomp by stomp hoping not to trip and bang head on coffee table. It's a slightly frightening stage that requires every second of your attention. I held her under each of her little baby-chub arms and scooted around to try and allow her to practice walking. It was a challenge to maneuver her around the two dogs: one, a great dane, who is a obstacle without even trying and the second a medium sized fluff ball named Lucy that is overwhelmingly jealous of all the attention Reagan is receiving that she sits up on her two hind feet to try and steal the spotlight. It was funny to have someone to entertain me rather than vice versa but I was also obligated to show some affection and excitement for such an extraordinary trick. Lucy held this pose for over 3 minutes! It was amazing!

I also experienced the process of feeding Reagan today. The first step was to strip her of all clothes except diaper and bib to try to pry a baby spoon into her barely opened mouth at a fast enough pace that keeps her from getting fussy. I'm not gonna lie, I don't care how little I scraped onto that spoon, this girl was covered in prunes!

Several times throughout the day I realized what an idiot I sounded like talking in this voice people only use toward children. I was saying things like, "Don't eat your book, silly willy." And once, when Katy, Reagan's momma attempted to sneak through the room being unnoticed yet failing misrably, Reagan mumbles "mmmommma" as I thought silently to myself Oh Lord, please don't let that be the first time she talked feeling guilty of stealing such a precious moment.

Overall, this was a productive day and I am thankful that this cute little Gerber baby accepts me. I was happy to learn that babies start to remember people when they are around 9 months old and she is nearing the age. I hope we can share fun memories and that I can have an impact (even if small) on this lovely family.

I must also admit that today was a learning experience, one I'm sure will continue to be such. I began to see the the beauty in a dependence and in the rebellion to have independence, it's a great example of the stages in life. Reagan is a baby, she must depend on me or a caregiver to provide her with the essentials. She must depend on us to look out for her well being and best intention. We must praise her when she does good yet, also attend to mischief.

Much like God shows patience and mercy and understanding and love to each of His people, I must learn to show the same to Reagan, this sweet helpless, learning child. I must set a good example so that she may be molded into a product of something striving toward God's way rather than rebelling against it.

In some instances dependence wins over independence. I hope I can be a exemplary leader toward being independent from the choices of others yet, dependent upon the Lord and the goodness of His guidelines for our lives. Maybe this will be a lesson we strive to learn together.

Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.
Mark 14:38


"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
John 16:33

A Prayer of Hope

I am praying a prayer I hope you will pray with me:

Heavenly Father, 


Give us the strength as we pursue new things each day. Carry us when we are at our weakest, like you promise you will. Lord, take our hands and guide us when we feel blind or reckless and abandoned. 


You alone are worthy of all of our praise, help us praise you in the depths you deserve. 


Lord, as I take on this new chapter in life I want you to be my first priority. Please forgive me for all the ways I fail you daily and teach me to obey your commands. Teach me to live in love. Please look after me when I am in need. And I will speak of you all of my days.


I pray that people around the world will remember the true meaning of Christmas this year and always. I hope they will instill in their children, in their families, in their communities a heart of service around this special time and that it carries over to the rest of the new year. Put on our hearts the resolutions for 2011 that you need us to have in order to live more full lives.


Thank you Lord, for who you are and all that you've given us to be thankful for.


I love you and I thank you for loving me.
Amen.


Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given when Jesus Christ is revealed.
1 Peter 1:13


But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not feel faint.
Isaiah 40:31


"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

Untraditional Addition

Today in church (Real life Fellowship), which may be the most encouraging multi-site church with the most compassionate and outreaching vision that I have ever attended, we spoke of Christmas. This is going to be my last Sunday living in Corpus, which also means it will be my last session physically at this location of this tremendous fellowship. I've loved it and I hope to find something I love just as much in College Station.

Pastor Micah Davidson spoke of the first Christmas, and I, having played Mary in a live nativity scene had placed myself immediately in her shoes. He provided biblical reference to Luke 2:1-14 discovering that the situation we imagine each year may not be so.

With verse 1 came difficulty. Jesus was brought into a place that was difficult. The Roman Emperor, believing himself to be of a divine power, plotted out an idea to begin taxing the Romans.

Verses 3-4 brought risk. Due to the new taxation, the Roman people were demanded to return to their place of birth to be counted and registered to be taxed. Joseph and Mary were forced to travel over 80 miles to go from their current place in the town of Nazareth into the village of Joseph's ancestor David, which was Bethlehem. This trip may have taken Joseph 4 days alone but he was accompanied by Mary who was 9 months pregnant and could go into labor at any time, which is the reason this trip is especially risky.

Mary and Joseph were misunderstood, represented in verse 5. Joseph who had initially not believed that Mary was a virgin when being informed of her pregnancy had wanted to break off his pledge with her (engagement). Joseph was visited by an Angel, immediately turning him into a believer of Mary's courageous story. Although angels visited Mary and Joseph, the earthly parents of the world's Savior, no one else received angelic company, causing them to be ridiculed and made out to be fools and liars.

This trip and the search of a shelter to birth Jesus was stressful, lonely and dark. They were told multiple times along their journey that there was no room for them, which forced them into a barn.

Imagine the smells, lack of medical stability and support of doctors, nurses, anyone but a scared, shocked, overwhelmed Joseph. And then the overwhelming peace as Jesus, the Son of God is born into the world to live as a man before he dies to rise again and save the world.


Why was our Savior born in the darkest part of the year? 
Genuinely, I would like to know the answer to the question.

We wrapped up the comparisons of common beliefs of nativity scene stories and the reality of the journey Mary, Joseph and the birth of Jesus was in actuality by relating ourselves to one of two categories.

Category #1: I need good news. (v. 10-14)
JOY, HOPE, PEACE
The Angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; He is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
"Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace to men on whom His favor rests."
Luke 2:10-14


Or category #2: I have good news to share, which is the category I placed myself in.
When they had seen Him, they spread the word concerning what had been told to them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them.
Luke 2:17-18

Then we left with a final challenge on our hearts and minds:

What could you build into your family tradition to make a difference this year?

How will you share good news?

Lessons Leading to Goodbye

It is coming down to crunch time. I have two days at school and three finals left in this going-nowhere-fast Texas town. As excited as I am to get out of here and start a complete new journey elsewhere, I am a little sad and nervous to go.

I came to college gladly knowing nobody here wanting this experience to be anything but high school all over again, yet, still comforted by the fan club of supporters grandparents vastly became living only 30 minutes away. Although, rather than choosing the supportive route I chose independence.

Now, let me tell ya, this 'independence' was not all the glory that it had seemed before that moment. I was living on an island by the beach, sounds like every college students dream, huh? No. Did I mention that I wanted to live alone sharing only a bathroom with one other person? Well, that option filled real fast and there were no longer any suite style dorms left when they got down to the F's of their list. So when I walked into my on-campus apartment with three randomly assigned roommates I had never met before and unlocked my simple 8 x 9, nearly $700, parking lot view jail cell, I felt more lonely than ever.

I found myself being away from this apartment as much as possible. My roommates ( for the most part) had a heart for parties, beer pong and boys. I had a heart for quality relationships, community service and The Lord. I realized really fast that this living arrangement was not only incredibly expensive for the minimal accommodations it offered but also slowly becoming a place of avoidance. The night that my drunk roommates boyfriend tried to break into my room in the wee hours of the morning and then proceeded to barf in my bathroom, leaving it for someone else to clean up was the day I was sure I wanted out.

I called my Gramma concerned for my safety, my bank account and the toll this negative atmosphere was having on my soul. I went to the office, payed $1200.00 to break my lease and moved in with Gramma.

At first, I was a little bummed that I would have to get up even earlier to be on time to my 8 o'clock labs but I soon realized that it was a small price to pay for the nice, new, free atmosphere I was now being invited into. My room grew so much from the apartment living that I even put a couch in it. I had everything I needed here including yummy home cooked meals. Mostly, I felt protected again. This house quickly became a home away from home and has lived up to that title for the past year. Time flew by so quickly.

In the midst of the craziness with roommates and moving, I was taking a 19 hour work load at school, which was also taking its toll. Surprisingly, I achieved an adequate grade point average and squeezed into the University's Honors Program. I had been planning on applying and believed this to make up for the awkward tension that had been created at school due to prior experiences.

Immediately upon arriving at TAMUCC and actually starting classes as a first time student I knew it wasn't the place for me. I knew God had put me there for some reason but I felt as though I had lost sight of the reason for His plan. I didn't know why I was put here or what I was to do. I felt lost. I joined a Christian organization, CRU, (Campus Crusade for Christ), which led me to meet tons of people that I call friends today. This group held me accountable and led me to feel loved and wanted instead of the loneliness I had felt before. The group began falling apart when the adult leaders decided to move on to seminary and the group lost its funding. Everything I knew was falling apart around me and my place at my grandparent's house was becoming more of a hassle to waste gas on everyday.

I was faced again with the question:

Why here, God?


So I prayed and I moved away for the entire summer from civilization and technology and cell phones, I moved to a Christian adventure camp in hopes of changing lives and in hopes of the Lord changing mine. Again, I found more than I had bargained for. That summer was indescribable. It was a summer of trials, overcoming the past and present dilemmas and becoming someone new while making a small impression in comparison to what the Lord did through me and for the glory of His kingdom upon others. I was so thankful for being allowed to be a subtle tool for God. I came back knowing I was being called somewhere else, my heart had new desires and I was READY to be bold.

So, I applied for Texas A&M University and was forced to wait, patiently enduring the trials my current university still plunged toward me. But I was accepted and it was worth the wait to hold that acceptance letter in my hands.

My time here has not been wasted. I do not feel bitter toward my old roomies or toward their immediate reaction to their new independence. I got my dose of being on my own and I am thankful that it became a process rather than a cold-water-in-the-face-at-dawn kind of experience. I am thankful for the people I have met and learned to love and mostly, I am thankful that I don't have all the answers. I am thankful that God keeps His mystery sometimes. I have a small percentage of the entire picture toward justifying my time here but I do know that the Lord had my best intension in mind and He brought me into my grandparents home full of love, joy, happiness and the support He knew I needed at that point in this life.

And now I'm leaving and I hear muffled elder voices talking on the phone about how unfair it is that I'm going elsewhere and how I will be missed and they don't know what they will do without me and how they will *tear* ... support me because it's what I want. All the sadness and sneaking around makes me really sad too. Just packing my room today I was so stressed out that I got uncontrollable hiccups, the ones that hurt and appear so suddenly that they almost make you throw up, yeah, those.

Then I cried. I was alone and I still tried to hold back the tears but they came anyway. I cried because I felt bad for not being able to make them understand the reasons for my departure and I cried because I pitied myself. Mostly, I cried because looking back years from now I don't want to be crying again, wishing I hadn't of missed the opportunity to spend more quality time with my grandparents who have been nothing but honest, brutal at times, loving, supportive and encouraging in my life.

So as I leave I remember the hard lessons I've learned here.

The lesson of comparison between my lifestyle and those that I lived in close quarters with:
One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him. Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.
Romans 14:2-4


The lesson of perseverance:
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangled, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.
Hebrews 12:1


The lesson of patience:
My soul waits for the Lord, more than watchmen wait for morning, More than watchmen wait for morning...
Psalm 130

The lesson of change:
Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
Jeremiah 7:5-7


The lesson of hope:
We rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, character and hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.
Romans 5:3-5

The lesson of love:
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
Galatians 2:20


The lesson of loneliness:
Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid of tremble at them, for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.
Deuteronomy 31:6


The lesson of faith:
Therefore since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.
Romans 5:1-2

But the greatest of these is love.
I love the Lord and I am thankful that He has loved me enough to give my heart bold desires and gracious enough to fulfill those prayers in hopes of pursuing them. I am thankful for this beautiful testimony of faith and of patience and of ultimate love He has written on the pages of this journey journal and anxious to begin a brand new chapter.

Dream Big

Thinking back to a younger, more fragile age of about ten, I thought my life would look a lot like Taylor Swift's does right now. I imagined it all: How I would audition for American Idol just to end up winning it. I would sign with a record label and produce music that everybody loved. The songs I wrote would be so well-rounded that they could be acceptably played on any station rising to the tops of various charts. I would be invited to all the award shows looking fabulous, giving God the glory in my acceptance speeches. I would vastly become this teenaged superstar without regular things to worry about like 

bills 

or 

paparazzi

or

heartbreak.

My life was projected to be what I would have once labeled perfect.

Well I don't believe in perfect anymore.
Well, I mean, I do believe in the perfect Son that died for our sins and saved the world but not in earthly perfection. I do not believe in the perfection of people or modern day lifestyles.

Although, I believe in
hope
& fairy tales.

I believe that there are people that will genuinely love you as best they can & at times, that may feel like the most perfect love.

 I don't believe we can fathom what perfection truly is, so we make it up. We imagine things that we'd like to believe, whether or not they may ever happen or be. We dream big.

& I absolutely believe in dreaming big.


Do not be afraid of wanting to make the most out of what the Lord has put you here to endure.
Taylor Swift wasn't afraid.

 Jesus wasn't afraid.

The One who calls you is faithful and He will do it.

1 Thessalonians 5:24

Therefore, the Lord will place you where He needs you and make of you what He will.

And because life hasn't turned into anything I'd believed it would, He has created a beautiful testimony of faith, service, hardship and blinding trust that has held my hand and guided me, leaving me marked.

When I was weak, He carried me and now despite my own plans He was the one who did it.

Trust in the Lord and do good; Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.

Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him and he will do it.

Psalm 37: 3-5

Finals Week Lag

I have been lagging with the extent in which I have decided was actually finished enough to post on this blog. I apologize for that. If it justifies anything at all it is finals week and I am preparing for many exams this week and next. Thank you for the patience and keeping up with me. I hope I'm not just talking to myself.

I have been, however, throughly enjoyed reading other people's blogs. Goodness, people are so talented! I have been excited to find and *follow* more blogs as I get acquainted with them. I look forward to keeping up with the gritty details of others lives. This is probably the reason I became a Communication major, I enjoy witnessing and being encouraged by the interactions of people around me.

Thank you!
Have a great day of beautiful weather. I drove by the ocean today and had never seen it so calm. Hope you see the beauty of calm amongst chaos today.

When my disquieting thoughts became many inside me. Your own consolations began to fondle my soul.

Psalms 94:19

Much to say, little energy to do so

This Thanksgiving vacation was pretty eventful. There was much cleaning, rearranging, moving and sweat. 

Here is a photo journal of some of the events that took place:

I helped my gramma prepare for company for the Holiday by cleaning many rooms of the house. This is the bathroom. She thought I did such a nice job that she paid me for my work. :)



I also decorated a mini Christmas tree. We love Christmas. I wrapped TONS of presents!






We even bought a new couch as a surprise to the company. It looked like a completely new place when we finished.

So many people showed up that this is what my room looked like:
There was a bed, a couch, and two air mattresses. 5 people slept in there that night. Talk about a sleepover.

It was a beautiful weekend. My sister, Kori, went to the beach to take a few pictures for her UTSA graduation invitations. 


I headed to San Antonio to help move and organize my mom's garage.
It was a LONNNNNGGGG day.

As hard as we worked God gave us many things to be thankful for.

At the end of this week I don't feel like I had a week off of school that was full of relaxation or sleep or movies.

It was a week of hardships, blind faith and thankfulness despite it all. 

I am thankful for it all, good and bad and ugly and bitter. I am glad to be where we are.

At the end of the day

We are rich in love.

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.

Colossians 3:16

Give thanks to the Lord, call on His name; make known among the nations what He has done.

1 Chronicles 16:8

God's Garden

As the chapter I have created here in Corpus Christi, Texas comes to a bittersweet, anxious close, I have begun taking it all in so that the things I have learned here may continue along with me. I've taken notice of the little details of everyday life here and wonder what my "new normal" will look like when I move on.

If you didn't know: I am a planner, an organizer, I love to get things done in a specific way. I like things that way, it's how I like to present myself. Although, lately, I feel as though I am flying by the seat of my pants, which is not usually my style. I even sometimes, reluctantly, schedule time to spend with the Lord.

As I sat down today I refused to hide from distraction to give focus to the Lord. I wasn't ready to understand what He was putting on my heart.

I came to a realization anyway.

Maybe God is preparing me for this change in ways I was least expecting. It seems He is undoing the routine of lists and 'self-improvement mind set' I have fallen into. The Lord is peeling back my layers, taking control, forcing me to put aside my own need for control. He is coming back to personally groom the seeds planted within his sweet and very trying Danielle Christine garden, pruning the parts that so desperately need attention. He makes my lists of to do's seem so silly.

But for now, I don't "schedule in" my time with God. I don't plan it. I just need it. I need it multiple times throughout each day. It's changed from a specific time to ...just every moment. I need His presence while I'm walking alone to class. I need His strength when I begin each day and as I move to this new uncharted place in my life. I need His Love to share with others when it is hard during personal/family trials. I need His comfort when I am offering what I feel at times may be useless acts of Faith. And I need His word to capture me on its own with having a schedule to find it.

I have heard that if you talk to your plants they actually grow to live longer and healthier lives. That's basically what this garden of God's needs at this point in time, a little talking to, a little evidence that it is loved and perfect and being completely dependent on its gardener is not a scary thing.

Hydrate your seeds, Lord!


Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will He also reap.
Galatians 6:7


For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the onw who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.
Galatians 6:8

Tragic Thankfulness

Today as I was scanning through channels a particular show caught my eye: The 15 Most Shocking Violent Acts. And while it may seem disturbing, it was interesting to me how thankful those surviving these tragedies were to be just that, survivors.

Why must a tragedy strike for us to be truly thankful for what we have?

Why must we lose those we love and care for in order to realize how impactful they were to our lives?

Why must we take for granted each breath that we take?

And more importantly, when will we set aside ourselves to give thanks to the One who deserves all of the credit?

A tragedy should not be what turns our vision upwards. Our focus should be there everyday rather than only in times of need or weakness. Thanksgiving should be an everyday occurrence, not only celebrated once a year.

What are you thankful for?

Enter [the Lord's] gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks to Him and praise His name. For the Lord is good and His love endures forever; His faithfulness continues through all generations. Psalm 100: 4-5

Read that verse and remember that you have an Eternal life of thankfulness to look forward to, so enjoy and be thankful for this part of it too.

Beautified Proof

I really love Fall, it may be one of my favorite seasons.

I have also begun an obsession with photoshop and making things for my blog (ie: new graphic header), although I'm not much good yet, I am learning. Slowly learning. I have noticed today that each time I make an addition to this new blog I name it something random, the first thing that pops into my head, like, "fally" ? I'm not exactly sure where this randomness comes from but it's pretty entertaining to me. In the midst of this randomness I spotted a tree with a face.

Today was a productive day but I also found some time to be quiet and still in awe of the beauties giving evidence of the Lord around me.

But He has given proof of what He is like. He has shown kindness by giving you rain from Heaven. He gives you crops in their seasons. He provides you with plenty of food. He fills your hearts with joy.
Acts 14:17

Have you taken the time to just go outside and enjoy the beauty around you today?

Silent Answers Scream of God's Great Will

I am going to make this short and sweet:

This past summer I worked at a Christian Adventure Camp (Camp Eagle). It was the most fun, hot and rewarding summer I have had in my entire life. I wouldn't have traded the relationships I formed there for anything else, it was and still is truly encouraging to my life.

Throughout the summer I learned what it meant to genuinely trust and surrender to the Lord. I vowed (again with the self-talk vows) to let go of financial worry and lean on He who has my best intention in mind. I prayed and I prayed this summer to take that burden money has been and make it meaningless to me.

This is the present turn that constant prayer is making now:

I have recently been accepted into Texas A&M University as a Fightin' Texas Aggie transfer student (another story of the Lord's amazing answers to a long-term prayer) and as many know, college is not a cheap expedition nor is Texas A&M a cheap school.

Today, the Lord answered another prayer.

I logged into the Howdy portal for my new University to check my financial aid status. I waited forever for the page to load when it finally popped up. I had graciously been awarded $8,000 in "gift aid" for being in good academic standing, this award will completely cover tuition, rent and have a little extra for the upcoming semester.

I am thankful today and always, for ways that He silently hears us and makes things happen.

HE IS GOOD!

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him.
Psalm 37:7

Organized Enemy.

We are our own worst enemies.

I have vowed to be faithful to this blog because it is a push towards being faithful in seeking the Lord daily, which I have also vowed to being better at.

I have an abundance of conversational emails flooding my inbox between I & various friends, mentors, encouragements. One I respond to fairly often, particularly, is always very neatly organized from my end & a comment always arises concerning it,
"Are you this organized in all aspects of life or only writing?"
My immediate mental response was
"everything, I'm on the sticky note system."
Anticipating a little comic relief. But as I came across a confrontational opportunity of self-evaluation today, I realized, my spiritual life has no organization.

That brought another vow-to-self to mind.

I created a list of 21 things I wanted to do before my 21st birthday and reading the entire bible was one of them. Honestly, I can't say I've ever read the entire thing, I wish I'd had but there are plenty of stories I have yet to come across. I find myself sticking to comfortable verses, chapters, books, ones that are highlighted and make me feel as though I know exactly where to find what I'm seeking. Organization lingers over my head again like Christmas lights in February.

I am my own worst enemy. I get so busy indulging myself in what seems a more proper way to present myself. My life is a mess, organization is simply a mere optical illusion to make myself believe that I've got everything under control, that I've got it all planned out.

O Lord, I know the way of man is not in himself; it is not in man who walks to direct his own steps
Jeremiah 10:23

Therefore, I encourage you to examine the vows you have (sub)/consciously made with yourself or with God, you know the ones, and to hold yourself accountable for the progress or lack of progress, in that personal journey.
Do not let you stand in your own way.
Do not let your life get so unorganized that the mess consumes you until the sight you had on your goals are no longer able to see.

You can overcome this enemy.

Uniquely Beautiful

When the country was recently confronted with the truth that the youth of our generation were being bullied at many schools and committing suicide, a call for action was quickly taken. Love is Louder, I recalled it being titled. If only they had heard the words of Albert Einstein that within diversity there was beauty, strength. If only offering ridicule, those kids were offered words of the Lord.

Just take a second to walk outside. Breathe in deep and let it out. Look up to the sky. Sit down. Close your eyes. Focus on each of your five senses one at a time. Endure all the beauty around you and the Maker who created it all. This creator crafted you as well. & He looks at you and endures your beauty, just as we endure His. He thinks you are more beautiful than all else.

When will we start to believe these things about ourselves?
When will we let go of waistline dreams and adopt the Lord's eyes as we look into those mirrors?
When will we be convinced that the diversity between us, making us unique from others, make us beautiful?

Do not let your adorning be external--the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear--but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.
1 Peter 3:3-4

Do not be so focused on the things that make you less or put your energy into what may make you "better."

You are beautiful, let that beauty start inside from the seed the Lord planted in you long ago and bloom all the way out. Let it be known by others and do not be fearful of it beacause you are wonderfully made.

Depth of Desires

Earlier today I was reading through a very insightful book called Sex God By Rob Bell. Now, though this book may sound uniquely odd, it is a sound Christian book exploring the connections between God-given, natural sexuality and spirituality. I had started this book after a friend referred a small group of women I worked with this summer to look into it ourselves. Rob Bell takes the opportunity to examine a chapter in Ephesians.

Ephesians 4:28
Those who have been stealing must steal no longer but must work, doing something useful with their hands that they may have something to share with those in need.

Although these few verses deal with stealing, it could be related to many other various topics in this chaotic life. Rather than telling us, as Christians, "Do not steal," or do not sin against God, the verse offers a solution to the adrenaline rush you are being asked to omit. To set our minds and our hearts on more useful things and offer them to those around us that are not as fortunate as we.

"Whatever it is that has its hooks in you, you will never be free from it until you find something you want more. It's not about getting rid of desire. It's about giving ourselves to bigger and better and more powerful desires."
Rob Bell, Sex God

I must confess that I started this blog in hopes of followers, hopeful that someone would compliment my writing, or think I was someone who had something interesting to say. I have to give this hope away. I have to let go of the desire to be pleasing to people and instead trust. I shall trust that our God will not bring glory to me but to Himself, rightfully so. Now, I just hope that whoever needs to read or be touched by the words set upon my heart to share will find this blog, even just once. It's not about how many people follow us, it's about trusting that the Lord is doing good things through His callings for us, whether we get to see the benefits or not.

Life is not about toning down and repressing your God-given life force. It's about channeling it and forcing it and turning it loose on something beautiful, something pure and true and good, something that connects you with God, with others, with the world.
Rob Bell, Sex God

I am inspired by the rest of chapter 4 of Ephesians:
When you talk, do not say harmful things, but say what people need- words that will help others become stronger. Then what you say will do good to those who listen to you...

So, what is your greatest desire in this point of life?
I encourage you to examine your intensions in this desire.
And share your journey as you overcome this adrenaline fix to focus on how you can channel & turn it into something lovely, something that inspires those around you.

Title Basis

I decided on the title of this fresh blog journey based on a script read at Camp Eagle, a Christian adventure camp I had the pleasure of working at this summer.

Fellowship of the Unashamed:
I'm a part of the fellowship of the unashamed. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I'm a disciple of His and I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still.

My past is redeemed. My present makes sense. My future is secure. I'm done and finished with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, cheap living, and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, or first, or tops, or recognized, or praised, or rewarded. I live by faith, lean on His presence, walk by patience, lift by prayer, and labor by Holy Spirit power.

My face is set. My gait is fast. My goal is Heaven. My road may be narrow, my way rough, my companions few, but my guide is reliable and my mission is clear. I will not be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded or delayed.

I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice or hesitate in the presence of the adversary. I will not negotiate at the table of the enemy, pander at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

I won't give up, shut up, or let up until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, and preached up for the cause of Christ.

I am a disciple of Jesus. I must give until I drop, preach until all know, and work until He comes. And when He does come for His own, He'll have no problems recognizing me. My banner will be clear!

Stained Selfish

My best friend is getting married. She got engaged and I found out through facebook before she called. The bedroom that should belong to me at home is now occupied while I'm away at college by an unrelated boy. I am transferring schools and leaving the place that has kept me safe for the past 18 months & some parts of it I'd like to bring along, mesh old with the new, the best of both worlds. Life has been pulling me in a hundred different ways, tugging various emotions as I lie here dully, unchanging.

I've found myself in one of those seasons of life where everything is changing around me, yet, I'm falling behind. I have been praying that my will to seek the Lord would grow, that my interactions with those around me would be instituted with love from above. Yet, I still feel hurt and abandoned and it shows. I feel more upset that I have to let go of good things in my life and let them change, let them grow. I feel more hesitant than joyful. This is because I am selfish. I am sinfully selfish and my life is stained with selfishness in every aspect, evident to everyone, including me.

'Come now, let us reason together,' says the Lord. 'Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.'
Isaiah 1:18

I like to imagine God and I compromising a conclusion together, like friends. He would sit on his silver lined cloud and ask me hypothetical questions, revealing my purpose in this life. I do not feel anxious when I am speaking with the Lord, He brings a peace that surpasses all of my understanding, adding another point on the track record He keeps on my heart. He tells me that I was not created to have these selfish feelings, that He forgives me before I forgive myself for acting this way.

Then, there is silence. Silence has never been awkward to me but peaceful. I feel the presence of Him close to me but I close my eyes tightly, clinging to that feeling, hoping it will last. When I finally open them I see nothing but the feeling is still there. I still feel at peace and I am completely aware of my forgiveness, the sins of selfishness no longer linger. In fact, the selfish feelings are not remembered at all.

I am moving forward with my life at a slower pace than those around me because it was God's plan for my life. I do not have to keep up with friends or family or places changing around me. I will not be anxious or held back by selfish feelings but rather, I will stand alone in the presence of our great and forgiving Lord letting His plan prevail again.

His offering of peace will bring me joy.