Monday Blues

After today I'll have another Monday under my belt. That's the way I measure things now days. I tell myself the things I have to do one day at a time, then one week is complete and then a month and finally whatever I was looking forward to is here. This mindset started in college only, it worked the other way around. It was spent wishing time would slow down-- wishes of staying up later or longer with friends, more time to study for exams or play around in the library to do absolutely anything to avoid studying for exams or to sleep after exams were over, more time to figure out what I was supposed to do in this life.

Now days, I work and make dinner at home because it's too far to drive into town. I try to stay out of gossip and away from those it usually stems from even when that means running away to just be alone or locking myself in my room with a funny movie. I have this gorgeous ring on my left hand signifying my promise to someone, a promise I'm so joyous to see through but have to wait six long months to fulfill. Being an adult is hard but being in this middle stage of not yet "crossing over" is an even more odd place to be. I have adult responsibilities while still living with potluck roommates. It's very much still like college minus ....all of the things you look back fondly to recall now.

There are so many things I still feel I do not have control of.

I imagined this cute tiny apartment that I would live in alone and decorate however I wanted because I LOVE decorating. I imagined companies would fight for me because I was personable and had fresh ideas. I imagined people would speak aloud the positive reinforcement I desire to hear. I imagined I would still be learning new things every day.

I have to sit still and quiet, surrounded by strangers in a town I will never be familiar with to remind myself that what I'm doing currently is not in vain. God will not leave me walking blindly on my own even when I do not see or understand where I am headed. I will get through this season and the next won't look exactly how I always imagined either but it will still be good and refining in its own way and in the midst of that time, too, I'll be thankful.

Today is only one Monday in a long string of Mondays. They have a bad reputation. Today is not a bad day, it's just one day, soon the week will be over and the thing I am looking forward to will be here.