As I stand less than six weeks away from my college graduation, I keep thinking this is the moment I've waited for my whole life. Taylor Swift says, "it's miserable and magical at the same time" because, well, it is at 22, 23, for life in general...
Then it hits me, this isn't something I simply sat around around and waited for. I dreamed of going off to college as a little girl and consistently worked hard to achieve it despite the odds, despite the hardships, despite any obstacle that stood in my way. I worked hard, constantly prayed, and saw results. I had a dream and trusted that God would see it through to it's completion, which He did.
Now I stand at the end and I think up dreams beyond this dream, of what comes next, hopes for a future. A dream usually feels like something so far down the road and out of reach that it is almost made-up but now this dream is coming to a close and in its wake, opening a new uncertain chapter in life that is very real. That's what dreams do, they grow our character, teach us lessons, and allow us the pleasure and confidence to continue dreaming, knowing that that have the ability to become tangible things.
But the truth is I was afraid the day I walked into Texas A&M & I'll be afraid the day I walk out.
"Sooner or later we all discover that the important moments in life are not the advertised ones, not the birthdays, the graduations, the weddings, not the great goals achieved. The real milestones are less prepossessing. They come to the door of memory unannounced, stray dogs that amble in, sniff around a bit and simply never leave. Our lives are measured by these." ~Susan B. Anthony
So for as much time as we spend dreaming, let's spend building up firm foundations, empowering those up-comers behind us, and working hard toward the things we believe in.
Then after we've taken part in seemingly impossible things and watch in awe as they are set into motion, I hope random sweet opportunities will take us by surprise and remind us that we have a very small glimpse of a great plan & there is nothing impossible for He who set it before us.
Monday, October 28, 2013
Heart of Nomad
The other day I woke up and I was the eldest age I've ever been, twenty-three.
Now while some of you probably think that sounds young and that I'm being dramatic, hear me out.
Think back to when you were five--you couldn't wait to be six to start school. When you were nine, you were waiting to be ten because it was finally among the two-digit numbers. You couldn't wait to be thirteen, a teenager; or sixteen to drive. You couldn't wait to be eighteen because then you would finally be able to take responsibility for your life ...and your mistakes in that life. After twenty-one, life was measured by milestones: college graduation being the first among them (at least for me).
Somewhere in that timeline there is turning twenty-three. It just sneaks up on you and you feel as though your life as you once knew it, gone. Adulthood quickly attempts to steal the joy of the "college season".
All of a sudden all the dreams I had had for my future were stripped away from me. The car I once took pride in, temporary until post-grad when I can replace it with something newer, nicer, more reasonable. There I was, thinking about adult things.
I can't help but feel that my life is beginning all over again. I am a baby in the world, once more. There is fear and uncertainty and so many scary things, but there is also freedom and Faith and excitement, anxiousness for things I have worked toward my entire life long, to finally unfold as graduation approaches in a few short weeks.
So, I decided that I would do something about this future endeavor. I would sit down and write out my short term goals, my long term goals, the direction I'll pray that my life may go. I'll even write out my ideal financial situation and how I'll make ends meet out there in this world, on my own. Then I'll do whatever it takes to get there. I'll rid myself of all the clothes I've held onto that I "might wear again" but haven't in years, I'll throw away the papers I once needed for class, I'll move all of my belongings somewhere affordable, hopefully with a nice view. I'll keep moving, every single day toward the goals I have written and I won't look back because as soon as I do, my forward momentum will cease.
I'll live each day to the fullest, do things that scare me and go places I've never been. I'll make friends with strangers and call unknown places home. I'll get rid of things I thought I'd have forever and forgo the opportunity to settle down fresh out of college with some guy I knew my whole life, like so many before. I don't want the safe route, the one society says is best. I want my own story and I want the God that knows my nomad heart better than anyone else to write it. I trust that it will be worth while and that one day when I wake up, elder than even now, I'll have one heck of a story to tell.
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Hugs, Tears, Ties, & Play
Today started rough with the kids.
During homework time they were very chatty and I had to split several friends up temporarily to get in a solid 30 minutes of productivity. So, I played the bad guy and laid down some seemingly fair ground rules.
"You can sit by your friends as long as you don't cheat, you whisper if you are helping each other, and you are getting your work done."
Not long after the rule reminder, the roar of chatting, yelling, fighting, whining, giggling, etc. started again. So, I walked around and gave "one last warning" before I asked individuals to move to a less tempting area. After the final warning there were a few that had the audacity to get loud and off-topic again so I stayed true to my word and asked them to move.
One little girl looked me straight in the eye and said, "No!" I was appalled. I stayed calm, however, and simply picked up her belongings from the table and moved it to an empty table a few feet away. She sat there and whined a little while before moving. I ignored her plea to stay and continued helping others.
Another teacher had overheard the situation, pulled the child aside after homework time, and asked her to apologize to me.
So, this little girl walks slowly up to me, sits beside me thinking I am naive to the reason for her approach, and starts bawling as she barely mutters the words, "I'm sorry". I gently rub her back and tell her that I care for her and want her to be successful in school, which requires her to be on task during homework time. I tell her that she is a good girl and it hurts my feelings when I know she can behave but she chooses not to. Then I hugged her, wiped her tears away, tied her shoes and we went outside to play together.
Reflecting on the day now, I am thankful that this situation mirrors how God treats me. He lays out guidelines before me, I see them, yet, often trail off, despite. Then I come ashamed before Him, knowing He is disappointed, but He hugs me and loves me and makes me aware of my true identity instead of the giving me the wrath I deserve.
The best part is that He doesn't send me on my way alone after He convicts me of whatever I have done against Him. He comes with me. He draws me near to Him, wipes my tears away, ties my shoes, and we go back out to play.
During homework time they were very chatty and I had to split several friends up temporarily to get in a solid 30 minutes of productivity. So, I played the bad guy and laid down some seemingly fair ground rules.
"You can sit by your friends as long as you don't cheat, you whisper if you are helping each other, and you are getting your work done."
Not long after the rule reminder, the roar of chatting, yelling, fighting, whining, giggling, etc. started again. So, I walked around and gave "one last warning" before I asked individuals to move to a less tempting area. After the final warning there were a few that had the audacity to get loud and off-topic again so I stayed true to my word and asked them to move.
One little girl looked me straight in the eye and said, "No!" I was appalled. I stayed calm, however, and simply picked up her belongings from the table and moved it to an empty table a few feet away. She sat there and whined a little while before moving. I ignored her plea to stay and continued helping others.
Another teacher had overheard the situation, pulled the child aside after homework time, and asked her to apologize to me.
So, this little girl walks slowly up to me, sits beside me thinking I am naive to the reason for her approach, and starts bawling as she barely mutters the words, "I'm sorry". I gently rub her back and tell her that I care for her and want her to be successful in school, which requires her to be on task during homework time. I tell her that she is a good girl and it hurts my feelings when I know she can behave but she chooses not to. Then I hugged her, wiped her tears away, tied her shoes and we went outside to play together.
Reflecting on the day now, I am thankful that this situation mirrors how God treats me. He lays out guidelines before me, I see them, yet, often trail off, despite. Then I come ashamed before Him, knowing He is disappointed, but He hugs me and loves me and makes me aware of my true identity instead of the giving me the wrath I deserve.
The best part is that He doesn't send me on my way alone after He convicts me of whatever I have done against Him. He comes with me. He draws me near to Him, wipes my tears away, ties my shoes, and we go back out to play.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Life After College
Tonight I started a new kind of class. I was emailed an address that led me to a random cul-de-sac in College Station, Texas to meet other Aggie seniors floating in the same boat as I currently find myself: quickly approaching graduation. We were welcomed into this immaculate home with walls full of windows by an elder couple who kindly greeted us, gave us name tags, offered desserts, then sat us down and encouraged us to share life experiences/goals for our lives in front of the group.
Funny how quickly you open up to people when there is chocolate involved.
It was incredibly heartwarming to watch the couple interact with one another. They shared the story of how they met, their engagement, God's faithfulness, Army travels, and finally the bliss of the last 3o-something years of marriage. They joked about how the Mrs. initially asked the Mr. out instead of the traditional virtue of patience and laughed about how none of that mattered anymore as we youngins all just looked on in adoration of their obvious bond. She rubbed his back as he spoke of his past and he told us that she "lit up" his life. They spoke fondly of each other, naturally, without trying, and it was quite a sight that touched everyone in the room.
We went around the circle of couches one by one, introducing ourselves and saying why we had signed up to be in this particular study and what we hoped to get out of it.
When it came to be my turn I'm sure I had something witty to say but now, thinking back, I know the reason I have looked forward to this study. I signed up simply to be growing under a couple who has lived through the things they are teaching. I want to hear about marriage bliss or job hunting, or community. I want to hear of the woes and hardships and the live-in elderly mother sleeping in the room down the hall. I want to be told that it wasn't easy but trusting and pursuing God individually and together made it all worthwhile.
So after we each shared vulnerable pieces of our testimonies, the parts of our stories that occasionally have to be pried out of us because we aren't proud of them, we sat silently before a man who told us this:
"As a believer in Christ, you offer the world something special. You trust an everlasting God who will move mountains. You are valuable. I want you to leave this college experience with confidence, knowing we are there to answer any question you may have with honesty and knowing He has great things in store that are beyond what you can ever imagine. Your faith will change the world--leave here believing that!"
Suddenly, another bible study didn't seem like something else on an ambitious to-do-list. This living room became a place of safety, honesty, and encouragement and this couple-- sweet messengers of a powerful God, overflowing to a room full of eager, soon-to-be former college students.
I am so looking forward to the weeks ahead, Wednesday nights in-particular and plan to share as we go through various topics weekly, ultimately preparing us for 'Life After College'.
Stay tuned :)
Funny how quickly you open up to people when there is chocolate involved.
It was incredibly heartwarming to watch the couple interact with one another. They shared the story of how they met, their engagement, God's faithfulness, Army travels, and finally the bliss of the last 3o-something years of marriage. They joked about how the Mrs. initially asked the Mr. out instead of the traditional virtue of patience and laughed about how none of that mattered anymore as we youngins all just looked on in adoration of their obvious bond. She rubbed his back as he spoke of his past and he told us that she "lit up" his life. They spoke fondly of each other, naturally, without trying, and it was quite a sight that touched everyone in the room.
We went around the circle of couches one by one, introducing ourselves and saying why we had signed up to be in this particular study and what we hoped to get out of it.
When it came to be my turn I'm sure I had something witty to say but now, thinking back, I know the reason I have looked forward to this study. I signed up simply to be growing under a couple who has lived through the things they are teaching. I want to hear about marriage bliss or job hunting, or community. I want to hear of the woes and hardships and the live-in elderly mother sleeping in the room down the hall. I want to be told that it wasn't easy but trusting and pursuing God individually and together made it all worthwhile.
So after we each shared vulnerable pieces of our testimonies, the parts of our stories that occasionally have to be pried out of us because we aren't proud of them, we sat silently before a man who told us this:
"As a believer in Christ, you offer the world something special. You trust an everlasting God who will move mountains. You are valuable. I want you to leave this college experience with confidence, knowing we are there to answer any question you may have with honesty and knowing He has great things in store that are beyond what you can ever imagine. Your faith will change the world--leave here believing that!"
Suddenly, another bible study didn't seem like something else on an ambitious to-do-list. This living room became a place of safety, honesty, and encouragement and this couple-- sweet messengers of a powerful God, overflowing to a room full of eager, soon-to-be former college students.
I am so looking forward to the weeks ahead, Wednesday nights in-particular and plan to share as we go through various topics weekly, ultimately preparing us for 'Life After College'.
Stay tuned :)
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