Heart of Nomad

The other day I woke up and I was the eldest age I've ever been, twenty-three.

Now while some of you probably think that sounds young and that I'm being dramatic, hear me out.

Think back to when you were five--you couldn't wait to be six to start school. When you were nine, you were waiting to be ten because it was finally among the two-digit numbers. You couldn't wait to be thirteen, a teenager; or sixteen to drive. You couldn't wait to be eighteen because then you would finally be able to take responsibility for your life ...and your mistakes in that life. After twenty-one, life was measured by milestones: college graduation being the first among them (at least for me).

Somewhere in that timeline there is turning twenty-three. It just sneaks up on you and you feel as though your life as you once knew it, gone. Adulthood quickly attempts to steal the joy of the "college season".

All of a sudden all the dreams I had had for my future were stripped away from me. The car I once took pride in, temporary until post-grad when I can replace it with something newer, nicer, more reasonable. There I was, thinking about adult things.

I can't help but feel that my life is beginning all over again. I am a baby in the world, once more. There is fear and uncertainty and so many scary things, but there is also freedom and Faith and excitement, anxiousness for things I have worked toward my entire life long, to finally unfold as graduation approaches in a few short weeks.

So, I decided that I would do something about this future endeavor. I would sit down and write out my short term goals, my long term goals, the direction I'll pray that my life may go. I'll even write out my ideal financial situation and how I'll make ends meet out there in this world, on my own. Then I'll do whatever it takes to get there. I'll rid myself of all the clothes I've held onto that I "might wear again" but haven't in years, I'll throw away the papers I once needed for class, I'll move all of my belongings somewhere affordable, hopefully with a nice view. I'll keep moving, every single day toward the goals I have written and I won't look back because as soon as I do, my forward momentum will cease.

I'll live each day to the fullest, do things that scare me and go places I've never been. I'll make friends with strangers and call unknown places home. I'll get rid of things I thought I'd have forever and forgo the opportunity to settle down fresh out of college with some guy I knew my whole life, like so many before. I don't want the safe route, the one society says is best. I want my own story and I want the God that knows my nomad heart better than anyone else to write it. I trust that it will be worth while and that one day when I wake up, elder than even now, I'll have one heck of a story to tell.