It is Good

The truth is that I don't know how to make sense of what I want to say right now. I have been brainstorming it in the small yellow lined 'note' on my iphone and now I have it staring chaotically back at me hoping I can fit it all together in a sensible way.

I have narrowed life down to a few things: Foundation of faith, honesty, integrity, forgiveness, the ability to love yourself for exactly who you are, & to humbly grant people chances. I've come up with these mostly from experience, having everything to do with being happy.


If you can learn to lead a life that is based on a foundation of Faith- blind faith, even when everything else seems wrong in the world, trusting it will turn out right, trusting this life is out of your control: Faith. Faith that God works all things for His good. Faith that at the end of the day, when all is said and done, you're comforted because you aren't alone, ever. You are comforted by your Faith and the Father it comes from. Honesty, integrity and forgiveness are just stepping stones to make things easier in life, less weighted. Carrying a heavy burden is never as easy as walking freely. When you are tangled in lies, convicted by dirty secrets, or holding grudges, you are only hurting yourself. You become a victim of the things you do. You have control of your actions. Hold yourself up to higher standard and do things right. You aren't perfect but the imperfections are what make you uniquely different from anyone else on this Earth, special in your own light, beautifully crafted- so is everybody else, so give people chances. We fail more times than not. But it all works out. It is good.

While I trust the things I have just shared with you, I have struggles as well.
Sometimes I'm afraid and there's no room for anything else.


Lately I have been much talk and not much of anything else. I went on a schpeel about marriage & desires of getting engaged sooner than later- I've shared bits of it among these viral pages but when I actually take a step back to think... I'm not ready. If someone asked me today to be their wife I would be so afraid. I don't have anything figured out yet, I don't know exactly where I want to be in 10 years, I don't know where I want to be heading now. I don't know what career I'll end up in or what my minor will be. There are plenty of things I don't know. I don't even know what to tell people anymore when they ask me about my future. I'm even afraid to say I'm not sure in response, in fear of sounding like a deadbeat. I don't want to get engaged or married or be having kids I can't support right now. When I see friends my age or younger making these big lifelong decisions I never envy them, I quietly think how glad I am not to be in that position. I'm NOT ready.

I'm afraid of graduating. I'm afraid of what my life will look like outside of school. I've been in learning environments my whole life, & still, there really is no way of being prepared for what the 'real world' will throw at you. Where do you start? I feel like I'm going through the motions, same as high school, going to class day to day, exam to exam, just to pass, not really gaining anything useful from them. I feel in no way more prepared for a career than I did the day I walked out of high school or onto a college campus. How can we graduate to do big things when we are stuck in such small frames of mind here? Where do I begin in stepping out of the student mold, into being fierce and bold in the working world? Where does making a big difference to be remembered by here on Earth start?


So many times I look at happiness as a destination, a place I'd like to be: married, settled down, financially stable, babies, family vacations, my own house to make a home, people that make glorifying the Lord easier with them than without them. Happiness is not a destination though, it's a mood. A moment of peace based on the foundation of Faith, honesty, integrity, forgiveness, loving myself exactly as I am & giving people chances, giving myself a chance. & trusting that it will be good. I don't have it figured out but I don't have to, it's under control, I'm not alone & it's good.

The Lord is good to all;

He has compassion on all He has made.

All your works praise you, Lord;

you faithful people extol you.

They tell of the glory of your Kingdom

and speak of your might,

so that all people may know of your mighty acts 

and the glorious splendor of your Kingdom...

The Lord is trustworthy in all He promises

and faithful in all He does.

The Lord upholds all who fall

and lifts up all who are bowed down.

The eyes of all look to you, 

and you give them their food at the proper time.

You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing.

Psalm 145: 9-16

There's Freedom in the Truth

I do not recall much about this year except that I have learned more in one simple year of life than I have in possibly, the entirety of my life up to this point.

I've learned that you can never have every single thing you are seeking out in another, you learn to love the things that make them imperfect & you forgive them when they fail you, disappoint you, hurt you- they always will but some really wonderful things will occur too. It will all make sense one day, I've learned to put all of my faith into that lone statement. It all happens for a reason.

I've learned that you have to let go of things to move on, let go of people. I've also learned that in order to hold onto something you believe is worth while, you have to cut off your past and trust in the value and hope of a future. Ultimately, as long as you maintain things from your past, they will haunt you, when you let go of the desire to further entertain those thoughts, you'll get over them. It truly is about learning to let go, you'll be happy again, promise. I did a lot of letting go this year and when I closed & locked doors, windows flew open and the sunlight looked sweeter than ever before.

I learned to get things down on paper, to reread them after the fact, not during. We are afraid of being vulnerable but without being vulnerable, you'll never understand freedom. Allowing yourself to speak, even if it is out of turn, out of line or just plain pointless, if it has value to you: do it! That goes for almost anything in this life. It's not always about pleasing others. I've learned that making yourself a high priority is the most freeing thing you can do for yourself. You have a story for a reason, it's meant to be shared and it feels so much better when you do. The hardships we've faced are the things that link and connect us to others. There is beauty in the breakdown.

I learned to appreciate the little things. I have had some really sweet memories from experiences I would have never had, had I not let go of the things I often let burden me to just go with the flow and do things out of the ordinary from my regular routine. I've learned to surrender agendas, to live in the moment. There are so many wonderful people that will surprise you if you give them a chance...or two. Appreciating the little things has everything to do with getting out of your comfort zone, letting loose, and figuring out what it means to wear a sincere smile.

There's freedom in the truth.

~~~~~

As a side note, I think I am going to change the name of my blog, which is kind of a revelation, after all I have put in under this name. I haven't completely decided on it but this change in no way changes what I want this blog to look like. I still want you to scroll back to the beginning days of my viral writing to an entry titled, 'Journey of the Unashamed', read it and have no doubt the message that I stand for.

On that note, so long 2011!

Refinement

I'm afraid to go hunt down anything I wrote on this subject last year, this would be the first time I have looked at it since writing it.

This year a few big things happened: I transferred to Aggieland just as the year started, literally packed my life as I knew it in Corpus Christi, TX and left on a whim. I can't believe it's been a year, wow! I can remember the summer that started the churning of ideas of transferring and I grabbed that one right my the horns. I think ultimately I'm glad it happened, ...I think, ...I mean, I know. I know I ended up exactly where I belong but I miss the way I could walk around the small-know-everyone campus in Corpus, I miss being part a distinguished Honors Program that had a special lounge where I could print for free and there was always an open chair- oh, the luxuries of a university without 50,000 people. I miss the crazy rainstorms that would completely soak us and the wind that only 'The Island University' attendees would understand. I miss small classrooms and professors that actually care to know you personally, I miss being more than a grade or a student ID number. I miss driving down Ocean Drive for the scenic route after a long day. I miss everyone living on campus- our own little island, just running barefoot to a friends house, a building away. I miss Caitlin Landis, my very best friend in Corpus Christi, I miss being strong for her. I miss RealLife Fellowship, the church we claimed for our very own.  I miss living near family, a support system, someone to cook you a good meal occasionally. I miss the ease of things there but I don't mind missing it from a distance. It's funny how time and distance change you, the road you take don't always lead you home.

I didn't realize just how pathetic this entry would be but really looking back all I can think of are three things: transferring, a long overdue breakup and meeting lots wonderful people. It all works out for good, I promise, God's promise prevails.

I truly do credit the summer I spent serving as a River's Edge Counselor out at Camp Eagle in 2010 for the seed being planted for all of the refinement God was going to allow me to endure unto this point. I can't begin to tell you how the Lord gave me glimpses of things He needed me to be aware of in preparation for transitions. God is so good, do you believe this? I have been refined (in the hardest and gentlest ways) and I have proceeded on blind Faith, alone. I can't find the words in our limited American vocabulary to describe all the ways I have felt God's presence and seen Him at work in my life.

A year after I left camp and couldn't go back again this summer-- despite my deep longing to, I prayed a prayer that I had never been bold enough or sincere enough in to pray before.
Lord, even if trusting you and following your path means I have to let go of things in the process, let go of people, let go of society's norms to live for you, I will. Whatever it takes, I'll do it. Even if this means *gulp* that I won't ever marry or settle down or have babies-- the things I truly want my future to hold, YOU ARE ENOUGH, you are good, good enough. And I meant it from the deep pit of my soul, I want to remember it and trust it and let go of dreams I cling so tightly to, to climb onto the one permanent and unchanging thing I know.

I guess that leads to 2012 resolutions, I have only one. I want to live in a manner that tells our Savior to come back today. I want to be asking Him to come and save us from the world of sin and take us into paradise. I want to let go of the desires I hold above this, the plans I've already made. I don't want to have plans at all, I want to simply trust that if it is supposed to happen it will and also trust that it may not happen at all & through this too, I will be thankful. I will be grateful even if I was stripped of it all and He came back today, the rapture was now, I won't think for one second, No, not yet!

Reassured

"On the outside I look fragile, but on the inside there's something you can't crush." (Country Strong)

I heard once that to be sure that you are doing the right thing, making the right decisions in life, following a relatively good path-- you need to ask people for reassurance. I found no biblical reference for this but the fact that I heard it from a Godly woman that claims it led her to a powerful marriage. I just think that the Lord already knows we need reassurances and that he offers them, at times, in form of people's approval in certain matters. The point is that we do not seek out the claims of others but the reassurance of the Lord. He will give it to us and make us aware that it's of Him.

I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them. (Isaiah 42:16)

Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear. (Isaiah 65:24) 

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you...For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior." (Isaiah 43:1-3)

I Can't Recall the Day but the Findings

I'm going to take a break from one specific message and tell you of the happenings of this day.

I wake up early feeling inclined to do something productive, which, I must say, always tends to be the case when I come home for breaks. Something about the permanency of this house or the belief that I am doing some deep for another without asking for something in return, it makes me want to clean it and decorate it and make changes that will surprise others when they arrive home. It was a rainy day with an oddly refreshing, unusually non-sticky breeze so I decided I would make the garage my project of the day. I spent a few hours placing tubs onto shelves, getting the empty Christmas decoration boxes all in one place for an easier repack after the holidays and finally, company came home, Alyssa- my little sister. She went inside, put something more comfortable on and helped me attack what was left of the garage. As we made a few last minute completions, I noticed something squirming on a black sticky pad. I immediately jumped back. It was a mouse! A small, meek looking mouse that was held into the stickiness his tiny padded feet, his creepy long tail and half of his poor, tiny face. My initial thought was that I would leave him but our conscience's got the best of us and we decided the little guy may still have a chance if we let him loose.

We then have the conversation of how to go about getting him off without direct physical contact and who actually got to do this dirty work. After a brief debate I decided I would have to do it. We got a boogie-board,(yes, like one that you take to the ocean), scooted the sticky pad out into the yard and picked another random object out of a nearby toolbox to peel this sucker off. Well, it was a lot tougher than it looked! There was much desperate squirming from the mouses end and much startled, twitches away on my end. Alyssa used a hammer to hold the pad against the boogie-board as I attempted to peel his face off of the pad. I freaked out a few times, or a lot...but Alyssa (from a comfortable distance) reassured me that he was only squirming in an attempt to help me free him, this made me feel slightly better, as a valuable member of a team striving toward the same goal instead of a hostage situation. Eventually, not kidding, after a good 15 minutes, his poor, sticky, slightly bloody head was freed, which I immediately regretted as his nibbling teeth nearly clenched my fingers in his frantic gnawing at the remainder of his firmly stuck body. I then started to release his feet, I was worried I would further injure him with the random unidentifiable object I was using in this process that the time lapsed slower than I can even recall, slower than ever. After what seemed like hours, his feet were free and we mentally prepared ourselves to run away as fast a possible with his sudden flee. As the mouse dropped to what I was betting, his freedom, he was caught by his thick, disgusting tail. I then had to saw through the stick (did I mention how remarkably sticky this stuff was, I mean, we couldn't get it off of our tools when we were finished! It was ridiculous!!!) As I finally got his tail freed, instead of running- our anticipated theory- he flopped onto the crisp green grass and stuck straight to it. I realized at this point, despite all of our truly sincere intentions to free this poor guy, nature was going to take its course.

I am personally grossed out, creeped out and slightly humored at that part of the day, though it was worth the effort because I probably wouldn't have been able to sleep at night knowing I left that poor helpless, harmless, squirmy creature to stick to death in a nicely organized garage. We decided we should carry him to the vacant neighboring homes yard, simply for a peace of mind. I wished him well and we threw that nasty sticky pad away to avoid any future situations.

Then Alyssa consoled me with stories about how it would rain and magically wash the stickiness from his now patchy body and he would be as good as new, completely disregarding the strength of stick or reality of the outcome, we went with it and didn't mention it again all day...until now.

"There is a presence of the dead among the living, I think of you but I have to put that memory away to move on, I have to let go, much like you did of this temporary holding." -The Lovely Bones

Right Where You Belong

This week as I wrapped up my final exams, (the very last, in-particularly), I started bubbling my answers & thought of how as a college student we put so much emphasis on things that will soon be small. We get anxious and stressed about these tests or projects or papers that are actually nothing in the big scheme of things. You'll probably graduate one day and then get into the real world, where the road to attain that degree seems like nothing, much like high school seemed a breeze in comparison to college, the reality of life now. You won't remember the exams or the chaos or struggle in courses, you'll remember the places, the people, the relationships, the fun, the degree.

Some days I catch myself feeling a bit overwhelmed, I call my mom and we talk it though. She always ends by telling me, "Danielle, so what? Even if the worst case scenario happened, you fail, then you retake it. It doesn't matter, it's not the end of the world." This rings in my ears when I start overlooking the good and focusing on the worst-case scenario because it doesn't matter. When we are gone, our lives won't be measured by our small discreet successes, it will be measured by the lives we affected in our time on Earth and by our Faith when we stand for judgement.

If we stressed less and put more of our energy into encouraging others instead of complaining, we might start to do something that will matter in the long run. We might discover that we are strong enough to overcome the things that are temporary to affect things that are forever.

Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.

Proverbs 19:21

The road may be long, but you'll end up exactly where you're supposed to be, despite yourself,
thank God.

Proverbs 31 Movement

There is controversy behind a man starting a movement such as the Proverbs 31 movement but at the end of the day he is just speaking God's Truth that some may have not had the chance to hear outside of this video. If this video caused even one girl in the world to hear Truth she had never heard or went and looked it up in The Holy Book herself, it was worth it. So, stop fighting it and start praying that God refines you too.

Seasons of Desire

I cannot believe how fast college is flying by! Actually, I can't believe how fast life is seeming to catch up with me lately, things come and go so quickly. I feel like an adult for the first time in my life and I'm sure it has little to do with getting my over 21 license in the mail, all sideways and beautiful. No, it's something internal I've been feeling lately, whether it be learning to fall in love again with just about everything: Christmas, new traditions, lovely people, sweet friendships, laughing, snuggling, it's a good season to fall in love & it's always good to find as many happy things in life as possible. I have been enjoying all of these little things. It's been wonderful & I am very happy.

A few weekends ago I had the pleasure of attending the Harvey/Hampton wedding as two of our dear friends united in marriage forever, however, since then I have set my vision ahead of where I am now. I'm starting to seriously desire things that I probably shouldn't be too set on considering I'm a few steps short of having them & that means having patience for God to see them through. Once again I am reminded that patience is a virtue.

I want to graduate with a degree into a world with limitless opportunities to excel or settle down and start a family, travel, raise some sweet babies. I feel mature enough to truly internalize what it means to spend my life enjoying someone else and I'm anxious for it but it's not an ending & it's not going to be perfect. I want to surrender it to the Lord, I don't want it to be a worry of mine but it is a desire and I know it's of Him because when I dream up the man I would like to one day marry, I draw nearer to God. I trust Him with the most vulnerable places in my life, of my heart, yet, I struggle to trust His timing because I'm afraid that will mean more waiting. I'm still scared when I have absolutely nothing to fear. It's slightly ridiculous, but it's honest.

Do not be anxious for anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6


Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4


Sometimes I think things, Danielle, what are you doing in this season of your life? and then I wonder if I thought of that question myself or if God sent a conviction my way telling me not get ahead of myself, missing opportunities to do good today while I am in this chapter of life, even when it's hard, even when I have to wait to understand why things are the way they are or aren't.

I am definitely not standing on a plateau at this stage in life but more than recognizing that fact, I need to be putting my Faith into action, that's when God can use us and answer the desires we so desperately think we need, or satisfy us with something we never expected at all. Don't let Satan steal from you, be grateful for what you have now, don't put off your complete happiness for later when you have a ring or a significant other, or whatever else you think will be the solution in life, enjoy now, this may be forever it may all end soon, we don't know. Maybe I can see the light at the end of this tunnel, God works it all our for His good and I know my patience will not be in vain because He is at the ending and the beginning of this love story, He has it all in His hands and that is the most comforting, safe place to be.

Read Me!

"If He can raise the dead, and He can part the sea, if He can create the universe out of nothing, He can find you your husband."
 -Janet Folger


Do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised. Hebrews 10:35-36