Fatherly Love

A parent can be absent in so many ways: emotionally, physically.

I had a conversation with a dear friend yesterday about how kids are often the exact product of how their parents treated them. Working with young children, I find this heartbreakingly true when they beg for attention in negative ways, just to have attention at all. Or sweet when I witness small interactions of parents behaving in silly, ridiculous ways to laugh with their children.

Then I see the evidence of my own earthly father's absence. I see it when I look into the face of my younger sister and hurt at the fact that she probably doesn't actually remember what it means to be held by a daddy that loves her or who would do absolutely anything to make her happy because he didn't stick around long enough for the memories to be her own. I feel it on my birthday when my mind wonders off, falling onto the topic of this idea of a man my eight-year-old mind reminds me of & think of how much he has missed out on through the years. 13 years, wow. Wow.

A parents absence does change the lives of their children. It changes their ability to trust or depend on others. It effects the way they perceive themselves. When a child is abandoned, emotionally or physically, or both, they develop differently than the rest of the world. They have this void inside them that is seeking to be filled.

This is where things get sticky. We can find filling anywhere, truly, but nothing fills like the sweet, precious, sacrificial love of Jesus Christ.

He is the Father to the fatherless. What God says about you is the Truth.

Don't let the mistakes of a parent or the absence of what a parent was supposed to be define you.

Read and pray through Psalm 139, please. Come to terms with your identity though your Maker, your Father's perspective.

He knows your good & bad.
He refuses to leave you.
He restores every broken thing, every broken heart, every hurt.
He makes all things new.
He fills every missing thing in life and then gives even more.

You are beautiful, gifted. You are so special and so so loved.

Just wait, He has so much in store for you.
You are not a victim of your past.
You are part of Him, adopted into His kingdom, as His child, simply as a result of believing He is what He says He is. He is pleased to bring you joy and reveal His love & mercy to you in magnificent ways.

You are His.


I am yours, Sweet Father and you love me so well. 

Earned Never Given

When I was a brand new freshman at Leander High School I walked onto that softball team with absolutely no idea of what to expect. And while I learned more than I ever thought I'd know about softball, teamwork, & working hard- I learned even more about life.

Each day at the very end of our long, sweaty, bloody, intense practice we would huddle up and break it out with the saying, "Earned Never Given".

Back then, I applied it to softball only. I knew I had to run hard, have a positive team attitude, and keep my head in the game while pitching. I knew if someone told me to slide, I better be hitting the ground hard. If someone signaled to bunt, I better not get it wrong. & I knew that at the end of those games, we would be running in front of the guests, our families, our friends, for everyone's errors not only our own. I knew that some practices where strictly training days while others we would run the entire practice and while we would have much rather been hitting with bats than hitting the track, without physical preparations, we could not succeed. We had to work hard to play hard.

Now, I see how the term "Earned Never Given" goes much deeper than sports. I've learned, firsthand, life doesn't simply hand anyone anything. College doesn't handout A's as easily as high school did, the time has come when parents think it's about time for you to grow up and support yourself. It's tough but it's life.

So, I hope you learn what it means to be on your own, without the help of your parents, without depending on anyone but your own hard work. I hope it doesn't scare you to be independent or self-suffienct. I hope you believe in the beauty of your dreams and that you achieve even the wildest ones. Nothing is too far out of reach. It won't be easy, that is a promise, but when you've earned something wonderful and sweet and it is better than you even imagined, you'll be glad it wasn't handed to you and you'll spend the rest of your life working hard to keep it.

Work hard & prosper, my friends.

Light

"Oh, death, where is your sting?

Oh, Hell, where is your victory?"

I find it interesting that every single person enters the world through shrieks of pain & when we leave we find grace and true life; We find roads paved of gold, white pearly gates, where we meet our Savior, face to face. I cannot even imagine a place a perfect as Heaven. It's not a tangible idea to me because what we see here is so small in relation to the grand scheme of another realm.

Heaven has been on my mind a lot lately, not just because I devoted myself to a Jesus Journey (mentioned in a previous entry), but also because I lost a relative today. She was very sick with cancer- she had undergone chemo, radiation, lost her hair & her energy. "Aunt Tootsie died," as simple and as complicated as that. While this initially brought tears and sorrow, I was overwhelmed with the goodness of God's promise to save, to redeem, to grant life to our souls and found comfort in drawing near to that.

Suddenly, I realize that despite my pathetic attempts to mourn her loss, I cannot. I can't get beyond the joy of eternity, of a mournless, tearless, perfect place where cancer and disease do not hurt or poison perspective.

So while the darkness of death hovers over us tonight, the promise of hope, faithfulness, and eternity provides light.

Do not forget in the darkness what you have been promised in the light.

(Philippians 1:29)

Twenty-Something

I consider turning a different age more of a "new year" than January 1st.

I've been thinking of resolutions & this is what I've come up with so far:

I want this year to be a journey. 

A Jesus journey. 

I want to know, experience, & learn more about His character. 

I want to discover new dimensions of His love through extreme experiences in nature. 

I want to be fearless when it comes to initiating spiritual conversations.

I want to get plugged into new outlets that pour into me.

I want to constantly be either going to do His work or be supporting someone that is.

I don't want to be perfect, but I do want to be making strides toward becoming someone more patient, more sweet, less quick to frustration or anger. I want to avoid stagnancy in any aspect of my life. I want to quit expecting things to appreciate the simple things that make each day unique and so so wonderful.

I don't want to look at this season of my life as a period of waiting, but as an investment in my future. 

I am investing in people that I love and believe in. 

I am investing in my education, my potential career options, the dreams I've had my entire life.

But, ultimately, I'm investing in a treasure that is eternal & can never be taken from me.

Don't Take it From Me

I don't want to justify it.

I want to acknowledge that it's a lustful struggle and be willing to call it sin.

Girls, I'm talking to you, mostly. You young girls that have all of your innocence to hold onto, you high school or college women, whether you've given pieces of yourself away or not, I want you to hear something crucial & I sincerely want you to believe it.

You are so desired by a God that wants only the very best for you. He is jealous for you. He wants you all to Himself. He wants all of your focus and attention & I truly believe that whatever/whoever you let get in the way of that focus on Him, He will take away from you.

You will have plenty of heartbreak in this life, many trials, many things that will cut you down until you feel you have nothing left & that is when you need Him most. Turn to Jesus, who paid the price for every misstep you've taken along the way, for every future failure, who saved you from yourself & died for your debt on a cross to save you from eternal damnation. All you have to do is trust Him. That's it! We all come before a perfect God as dirty, broken beings that are in need of a Savior. Jesus Christ saves!

He offers us exactly what we need, no matter what the context of our sin: sexual or not.

I have spent many summers out at Camp Eagle as a camper, as a student leader, as a counselor. I remember one night in particularly when I was serving at Camp Eagle under the River's Edge crew, each week we would split guys from girls and while the guys would do "manly things" the girls would dance the night away, have a candle-lit dinner and then have heart-to-hearts, sharing the deepest pits of sin in our lives. Each week I would be extremely prayerful about what the Lord wanted me to share with the girls on that night. Each week we would get new campers, new sweet souls to pour into & that was my favorite night, we cried & laughed & walked away feeling lighter. I found myself sharing something different that I felt filthy because of each time we sat under those starry skies, with nothing but vulnerability and circles of trust and support. I started catching myself releasing outlets that left me feeling empty like growing up without a father, being physically betrayed by someone I trusted against my will-- things I had no control of & then the immoral decisions I had made all on my own. I allowed myself to break through the burden of keeping secrets & began to let others into these nasty holes in my life to start the mending process. Then each girl would share, we'd take turns-- it was broken, hard, & then it was sweet, it was worth it & there was no longer loneliness in that sin. As soon as we admitted to them aloud, there was freedom. God allowed us to share in those pains. We found comfort in that freedom & walked in His light instead of in the darkness of our sins. We were no longer weighed down or confined by them.

Then I will return to my lair

until they have borne their guilt 

and seek my face--

in their misery

they will earnestly seek me.

(Hosea 5:15)

He brings beauty from ashes.
He is gentle. He is trustworthy. He is committed.
He offers an everlasting love and a promise of eternity that will never ever be taken away from you.
Drop all of those burdens or lustful desires or past regrets.
Take up that cross--
Then never ever look back.

Therefore confess your sins to each other 

and pray for each other

so that you may be healed.

The prayer of a righteous man 

is powerful and effective.

(James 5:16)

I want to leave you with a visual. When I was about 17 I went with a lovely group of girls to a little conference called The 'Silver Ring Thing'. This is a teen abstinence rally & as testimonies were shared there was one thing I will never forget. One young woman stood in front of us and shared a glimpse into her web of lust, all the guys she had let her guard down for, the people she willingly allowed to strip her of innocence meant for the context of marriage. She was holding a wooden heart and each time she went further into territory she knew better than to enter into, a chainsaw took large shreds or chunks out of her heart. By the end of college, when she was thinking of what she truly wanted in life, she found Jesus. As she began taking inventory of her heart she realized there wasn't much of it left. She had given pieces of it away with every bad-intentioned guy she let into her bedroom--into her heart.

Jesus didn't let it end here.
This isn't a tragedy.
The decisions we've made do affect us but they do not define us.
He had a better plan but she needed Him in order to find it.

She eventually found a man who clung to Jesus instead of giving into sexual temptation. He saved himself for the woman he was going to marry. He honored his future wife by surrendering to Jesus. He had a whole heart to offer. It wasn't without blemish, of course, but as their hearts entered into a Christ-centered relationship together, eventually into matrimony, they were renewed through God's love & forgiveness.

When she felt she had nothing left to offer,
Jesus said, "Come to me, Child"

So,

Take inventory. 

Acknowledge sins in the depths of your being.

Then bring it before your Father.

Then forgive yourself, too.

It's never too late to be made new through Christ.

But
Don't take it from me.
Dust off that Bible and take it from the word, the Truth.

Take it from Him
& then walk in freedom.