Spring Break was an exhilarating time. I have never said I wanted to grow up to do mission work or break into the non-profit Christian world, in fact, until attending my first international mission trip, I wouldn't have considered myself 'called' toward evangelism at all. I know I have a heart for children, I have compassion for those in need, an empathy toward women, a desire for people to come to know Christ. I love people, I ache for their loneliness, their missing pieces, the sin they allow to become barriers between them knowing their Creator. I want to hold them and tell them of all the ugly pits that God saved me from, tell them they are not beyond fixing. I want them to develop a desire to allow Him to remove them from their own valleys.
Oddly, despite the dreams I imagined myself pursuing, the man I saw proposing in college, the people I thought were forever, I don't want it. I have slowly been stripped of everything I once clung to and given a new vision that is so far beyond my own pleasure, I barely see myself at all. I am saying things I have never said before, imagining myself traveling beyond my comfort zones into territories that need Truth.
I was once sitting in this chair praying for things to come to me. Now I am sprinting toward the one eternal prize, graciously accepting challenges as they come, losing focus of the things that once bogged me down and joyously celebrating as many doors fly open and affirmation spills forth, inviting me in.
Those closing doors, the relationships, the opportunities, the people who willingly walked away, took their tolls. It is hard to be rejected, always. It is hard to not see something through to the ending you originally imagined. But now I understand why and the pains I once felt are eased. The rejection turned into a beautiful voice telling me, "I have something better in mind". That voice drowned out all the aches, the pains, the bitterness I was holding onto. The voice became the central encouragement in my life.
Now, as I am presented with options I hadn't considered at first, I am humbled. I feel wanted, fought for, and treasured. I suddenly feel like I am exactly where I needed to be all along, heading toward a bright future no matter which way I choose to get there. I'm more excited by the promise of His 'better' than eager to see my own plans through.
The affirmation is splashing out of various outlets, impossible for me to avoid, thankfully. In such beautiful ways He reveals His plans to us.
