I could go on and on, telling you the grueling details of how my internship this summer fell apart, how my boss forged my time-sheets and how I knew within one week of doing it that this wasn't a career I could pursue any longer. I could tell you about the events building up making design school after college look better and better.
Or I could tell you how the "action" in my devotional last night was to make a list of things I seek in a potential mate, write it down, pray about it and watch as the Lord answers those prayers. This list also made me take a step back and evaluate a serious inquiry of myself in order to gain these qualities in a man some day.
I want a love that is unconditional, without worry or fear or holding back.
I want to look back when I am sixty or seventy and say that we are more in love then than ever. I want the only un-exclusive thing in our relationship to be the overflow of love and growth within that love, that it is known to be from the Lord and nothing else.
I want every worry or trouble I have in life to fall away when I am in his arms because I am accepted and loved and respected and cared for in ways unimaginable or explainable to anyone else in the world.
We can be splintered, "broken up with" because when we are hurt after having surrendered pieces of ourselves to others and they hurt us, they take them. I don't want to be splintered off again, I want a whole heart to give. I'm keeping it to myself until he comes too. God will show us both, he will give me his complete heart and we will become one flesh because we gave it all to one another.
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires."
Song of Songs
"Racing ahead of the progression of love always costs something."
Rob Bell, Sex God
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