I can't Imagine...

My life has been so full of interesting turns lately, I've felt almost overwhelmingly thankful.

1. I went back to work. Technically, I've been working for the same program for years and continued my office duties throughout this summer but to go back to the elementary school and serve on the front lines of A&M's educational field, is so rewarding. There are moments with screaming children or bullied tears, the need for lots of encouragement and shiny sticker bribery, but I cannot imagine my college career without the confines of those kid-art-decorated walls. I can't imagine a life without the challenges or laughs that kids can bring to lives if we'll simply give them quality time. I can't imagine the compliments I'd have missed ("I always know when you're here, Ms. Fisher, because the room smells good.") or the ways they can break my heart in the gentlest of ways (Overhearing one child rub another's back and tell them not to cry). Ultimately, I can't imagine who I would be without the lessons those tiny contagious smiling people have taught me: patience, discipline, kindness, simplicity, selflessness. So many I carry into relationships far beyond this stage and hopefully onto my own children one day.

2. I am walking in this freedom of transition, the unknown journey between a few months until graduation before then, stepping into "real" life. I can't imagine being done with college, looking back on the place I stand now--how that feels. I have been consciously keeping myself in this moment, trying not to let it slip by too fast. I can't imagine having endured a more full college experience. I wouldn't trade one moment of it for anything else. I'm thankful that there was a plan by a God that went before me and made things good. I am anxious for all He will continue to do and all He is in the midst of doing right now.

3. As I sit back and watch the Lord's faithfulness in relationship aspects, I am completely at peace with my desire to say exactly how I'm feeling, even if it seems too quick or too risky. I can't imagine keeping things that are meant to be shared to myself for the sake of avoiding vulnerability. I want my words to be spoken in a genuine state, in a conscious effort to be an encouragement to another that will ultimately build a sturdy foundation for a potential relationship. Yes, I want to be pursued in a Godly manner (which requires lots of patience and prayer) but I also want to have the courage to say exactly what I mean or feel at the moment I want it to be shared. I don't want to be shaded by secrecy. It feels so wonderful to have someone who embraces speaking things out loud to one another and intentionally communicates to find reassuring common ground. I can't imagine settling for someone that has allowed room for insecurities instead of establishing the trust it takes to simply, be honest. I have definitely learned this lesson the hard way throughout college but I'm so glad that it is figured out now and so joyful to be progressing forward with someone who values that same trust and openness.

4. I am thankful for accountability. I am thankful for roommates, small groups, fellow leaders, friends, etc. who ask challenging questions. I can't imagine having a growth spurt of Faith without anyone spurring me forward. I have been impacted immensely through the time I have served at camps or churches or organizations or through community service that has continually refined my character and aligned my goals.

Ultimately, I am learning tons of things and relishing in many of the lessons I've learned throughout college. As it comes to a close, I am joyful and reminiscent of the past few years and all of the things that have helped shape me into who I am moving beyond this phase in life to whatever may come next.

I can only imagine...