Dear College Me...

"You don't always lose people to death. It's like learning to live with an amputation, you do heal but you're never the same. But those that go through this allowing the Lord to carry them discover a comfort and intimacy that some never endure." -Courageous

 You will never walk alone.

I lost my father when I was eight years old.
I wish I had a tombstone to remind me that he was real,
to remind me of who he was
and ultimately,
remind me of where I came from.

It took me a very long time to realize that I wasn't defined by growing up without a father.
I may struggle with that same identity or hardship because of the realistic facts, but 'Fatherless' is not a label I like to be associated with.

The weird thing is that even though I know deep down the absence of my earthly father has wounded me-- has altered the way I interact with people, specifically relationships-- I find myself often times, more bitter toward the ones that stuck around. I have reached a place of forgiveness and peace with him but I cannot let those that continue on in my life off the chain when wrong doing has been done. Maybe it's because I have a perfect Heavenly Father that fills me in every way that has been a replacement of me biological stranger, but why can't I accept that people will hurt me and that I will learn lessons the hard way sometimes because of my own stubbornness? Why can't I let go of my expectations of people to amount to more than they will themselves to? Why can't I forgive as easily as I am forgiven?

Don't rationalize the ways in which you are rebuking people who've hurt you. There is only one rightful judge who will one day hold us accountable for everything. You only hurt yourself by holding a grudge, trust me.

But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the most high, because He is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
Luke 6: 35-36

Dear College Me:

Splurge on your relationship with God, seek His word until His voice drowns out all the others.

...this is a challenge for myself, I hope you'll join me.