You can hate certain moments along this journey but God still makes them good.
He makes every moment worth it.
I heard an interesting quote in a movie we watched about Beat poets, (homosexual, Bohemian men, strung out on drugs, who spend their lives searching for meaning in their souls & rebel against the views of society), "it doesn't matter how far, the road is life." It's an interesting feat to make sense of the words these guys put to paper, an interesting feat to apply them to the subconscious thoughts of "normal" people, or ourselves.
Lately, my life has taken some unexpected turns that have sent me searching for the roots of where they initiated. For one, I really hate school, really. It's all I can do to go to class each day. I love A&M. I love tradition. I love the idea of excellence in education & I do believe I attend one of the top public institutions in the nation but I don't want to go to class. I don't want to study. I don't want to take notes or listen to someone try and explain logical symbols to my expressive, literal mind. I force myself to go every single day & I feel the bitterness creeping in.
It's an odd place to be, really. I appreciate the fact that you have to earn things, respectably: aggie rings, grades, a degree. I'm glad things aren't just handed out to anyone & I do want it, in fact, some days, that degree is the only thing that keeps me going. The idea of an "I'm proud of you" written on a card, the smiles of family at graduation-- but that's not for me. That dream is for others, it's for my family now, my future family, to have something fancy to show for myself...I guess. Mostly, it's proof that I had the endurance to take something challenging and embrace it, persevere, and come out ahead. I don't want to wish these precious college years away but that's exactly what I'm doing.
...the road is life.
I don't know where my road is taking me, where the Lord is allowing it to lead. I know that it is currently challenging but, I also cling to the fact that I can have hope that there is an end, a joyful moment I will be able to point back at and sigh in relief knowing it was worth it.
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