Refinement

I'm afraid to go hunt down anything I wrote on this subject last year, this would be the first time I have looked at it since writing it.

This year a few big things happened: I transferred to Aggieland just as the year started, literally packed my life as I knew it in Corpus Christi, TX and left on a whim. I can't believe it's been a year, wow! I can remember the summer that started the churning of ideas of transferring and I grabbed that one right my the horns. I think ultimately I'm glad it happened, ...I think, ...I mean, I know. I know I ended up exactly where I belong but I miss the way I could walk around the small-know-everyone campus in Corpus, I miss being part a distinguished Honors Program that had a special lounge where I could print for free and there was always an open chair- oh, the luxuries of a university without 50,000 people. I miss the crazy rainstorms that would completely soak us and the wind that only 'The Island University' attendees would understand. I miss small classrooms and professors that actually care to know you personally, I miss being more than a grade or a student ID number. I miss driving down Ocean Drive for the scenic route after a long day. I miss everyone living on campus- our own little island, just running barefoot to a friends house, a building away. I miss Caitlin Landis, my very best friend in Corpus Christi, I miss being strong for her. I miss RealLife Fellowship, the church we claimed for our very own.  I miss living near family, a support system, someone to cook you a good meal occasionally. I miss the ease of things there but I don't mind missing it from a distance. It's funny how time and distance change you, the road you take don't always lead you home.

I didn't realize just how pathetic this entry would be but really looking back all I can think of are three things: transferring, a long overdue breakup and meeting lots wonderful people. It all works out for good, I promise, God's promise prevails.

I truly do credit the summer I spent serving as a River's Edge Counselor out at Camp Eagle in 2010 for the seed being planted for all of the refinement God was going to allow me to endure unto this point. I can't begin to tell you how the Lord gave me glimpses of things He needed me to be aware of in preparation for transitions. God is so good, do you believe this? I have been refined (in the hardest and gentlest ways) and I have proceeded on blind Faith, alone. I can't find the words in our limited American vocabulary to describe all the ways I have felt God's presence and seen Him at work in my life.

A year after I left camp and couldn't go back again this summer-- despite my deep longing to, I prayed a prayer that I had never been bold enough or sincere enough in to pray before.
Lord, even if trusting you and following your path means I have to let go of things in the process, let go of people, let go of society's norms to live for you, I will. Whatever it takes, I'll do it. Even if this means *gulp* that I won't ever marry or settle down or have babies-- the things I truly want my future to hold, YOU ARE ENOUGH, you are good, good enough. And I meant it from the deep pit of my soul, I want to remember it and trust it and let go of dreams I cling so tightly to, to climb onto the one permanent and unchanging thing I know.

I guess that leads to 2012 resolutions, I have only one. I want to live in a manner that tells our Savior to come back today. I want to be asking Him to come and save us from the world of sin and take us into paradise. I want to let go of the desires I hold above this, the plans I've already made. I don't want to have plans at all, I want to simply trust that if it is supposed to happen it will and also trust that it may not happen at all & through this too, I will be thankful. I will be grateful even if I was stripped of it all and He came back today, the rapture was now, I won't think for one second, No, not yet!