Path of Desire

Lord,


I have dropped everything to seek you & though I am walking blindly, I see you crystal clear. 


I recently got out of a relationship I've been in for 2.5 years and though there have been times that I didn't know how my life would go on after such heartbreak, this wasn't one of them. This time was different, I wasn't abandoned to free fall until I hit rock bottom, I was caught by my Heavenly Father's loving hands and shown, without a single word that He is better, He is the man pursuing me and until I let Him in and let Him be enough, nothing would turn out well. I would always be disappointed by the sinners of the earth that try and claim a girl's heart as their own.


I have been convicted, as of late, not to date or pursue any intimate earthly relationship for now and for the first time in my life I have personally understood the "peace" people claim to get when they know things are right. I am without a doubt or fear that God has a plan to meet the desires of my heart. I have learned the things He has needed to prepare me for before I was ready to meet a man that I could vow a lifetime to. I have been in the lowest valleys and I have yet to find the highest mountain but I have a certain hope for one and I know my King will not fail me. 


I am just so overwhelmed by the understanding I have right now. I feel as though every decision, every disappointment, every achievement, every hidden desire that I have yet to claim as my own are all molding together to lay out this beautiful paved path before me and I am in awe. I am speechless and I have no words for it. I think I have hit a milestone that doesn't require acknowledgement from anyone else, it is meant to be mine alone, you'll have one too, I'm sure of it and God will be there with you to assure you understand. Maybe He has been there all along waiting for me to get it or want to be filled with Him, waiting for me to finally step up to the plate and be bold for Him like I claimed a year ago I would. 


How many times must He baptize me and let me tell my story? 
How many times will I leave things out because of pride? 


Finally, I have internalized that the desires I have, the person I am, was made in the image of God, Himself. 
I am a woman worth loving, worth fighting for and worth pursuing but my heart is fragile and cares greatly for relationships and seeks out someone to accept it ...but I don't have to. I am a woman, I was made by skilled hands of an artist that makes no blemishes or mistakes. My creator sculpted me not as an afterthought but as the final detail or crescendo in His glorious plan. He created me (AND YOU) as a direct glimpse into the heart of Himself, a mighty, worthy, tender God that is as tough as a man and as caring as a woman. We are parts of Him. I am His and I have internalized that I have no flaw to Him and even if nobody else in this whole entire earth wants to ask me to join them for always in this journey, I am on a journey of my own and am completely satisfied with the truth of my identity and the hope for an eternity that will go on long after this life is over.