Season of Enlightenment

I have been finding myself in a place I don't think I've ever been before, new territory, not physically but mentally, spiritually. I find myself letting go of things I've dreamed of having my entire life, things like marriage. The timeline I had planned in my head for nearly 22 years, down the drain.

Asia changed my life.
I am not the same girl.
The change didn't come while overseas exactly, though I knew it was happening then, but upon my return, I know it to be true. I am more aware. I have more control over how I handle different situations and am definitely more conscious of the ways I want to be better to others, to love them well.

I feel less attached to the things I clung to before.

I am holding my entire world and everything in it so loosely because I am holding Him tight.
People can't have God and the world all at once, it's a choice & I've made it.

I don't need any of that anymore. The things the world tells us that we need, the "American Dream".

For so long, I've looked at things like settling down, having a family, & attaining a comfortable lifestyle, as a certain mark to reach. I want them, yes & though I know God will provide in much better timing than my own, I don't dream of those things any longer. My dreams have become more tangible,  within my current reach. They have nothing to do with being patient or submissive, they have no commands but 10 and come down to one word: Faith.

I want to travel near and far, ditching fears along the way to just make His name known among the nations. I want to hear and tell stories of heartache, trial, and of the Faithfulness & provision that turned it around, made it beautiful.

"In youth we learn, in age we understand."

While I have much left to learn, I feel I am also entering into a season of enlightenment, of understanding things I had never pondered before. I am in a state of complete contentment.

But really, my heart is all but busting at the seams screaming,

"Here I am, send me!"

And all I really want is for this season I'm labeling 'Enlightenment' is to continue growing here, elsewhere, all over the world. Mostly, I pray the growth makes its biggest movement within me so that I don't have to be aware of things, that loving people well is just spilling over the rim of my being because I've been so consumed in His perfect love for me.