Evidentiary Support

I'm sure that you have all heard the expression "don't settle for less than you deserve" but what I am trying to say is: "Be worthy of getting what you were created to have."

There are plenty of people who will throw their bodies or feelings around for you to tug on, without much concern of the aftermath but I'm a firm believer in not giving in, standing your ground and even when it's hard because you've made miserably huge mistakes, pick up that cross and remember your worth.

I am no where near perfect. I am a sinner that has a lustful heart and sometimes acts on those lustful desires but in the morning, when God breaks me down and speaks through others to me because I don't pick up my Bible enough to hear His own voice, he tells me, "keep your heart beautiful, Danielle." The Holy Spirit that is purely from the Almighty King, Himself, is the only thing that makes my heart beautiful and I don't even guard it as well as He commands. I can tell myself over and over again that I will be strong when it is hard, I will say no when temptation arises, I will not focus my sight on the things of this world but on the eternal kingdom. Well, to think is one thing and to act is another, where are my actions in those beliefs, where is the evidence of Christ in my life?

At Breakaway, the largest college ministry in the nation, conveniently held in an arena on my campus, in a small conservative town of College Station, Tx, where you'd think it'd be easy to be living a Christian lifestyle, I was told not to let this time of my life pass me by. These years are the most passionate times of our lives. We, as students, are passionate about academics. We, as friends, sons, daughters, significant others, teammates, co-workers, family, Christians, passionate about relationships. We are passionate about graduating and holding a degree reminding us what we've done here. But we are missing it if we are not letting God's truth be a passion that spills from our very beings. Where is the evidence of Jesus' death and resurrection, the evidence of God's merciful infinite love for us?


I began to wonder where these Godly men who were on their knees in awe of our Maker or throwing their hands up, jumping around in joy of the workings of the Lord were in my everyday life. Where am I outside of the safe zones of Christian boundaries? Northgate? Drinking? Kissing someone I have no intension of dating? Where are you? Why can't I pick someone out from a crowd and say they love the Lord and I can tell because it radiates off of them? Why can't others do that in my life? Why am I so quick to point out the flaws on others when my own hands are not clean?

I so desperately want to be living for the Lord. I want to be passionate about something that will last beyond just the next day. I keep telling myself to stop going for these "bad guys", stop being bothered by  other people's choices because Danielle, you need to worry about YOU. Get your priorities straight, stand firm in Faith, even if blindly so, because it's gonna be worth it but you have to be worthy of it first. Let the Lord fulfill you.

"If your law had not been what I am fond of,
Then I should have perished in my affliction.
To time indefinite I shall not forget your orders,
Because by them you have preserved me alive.
I am yours. O save me..."
Pslam 119: 92-94

Lady

I adopted Lady from a lowly puppy-mill filled pet store and while I do not support this kind of mistreatment I had wanted a Cocker Spaniel for so long and I saw her crumpled up into an empty bowl in the front window, lonely, tiny, and obviously extremely sick. I couldn't help but want her.

My heart was completely broken for the puppies there. They were tear-stained, reeked of kennel cough and held by every dirty hand that walked by to fancy them. I asked for the Cocker Spaniel puppy and didn't want anyone to hold her again in that condition. I had never seen a puppy that small at 8 weeks. I called my mom to ask her opinion, though, I had already had my mind set that I couldn't live with placing her back in that cage. 

I paid for her straight out. I didn't care how much she was or that I had no intention of getting a puppy that day so my apartment was not ready for her arrival at all. 

We took her home and gave her a bath, snuggled her, introduced her to her big sister, Bailey and headed to Petsmart (my favorite store). Lady, whom we almost named Taz, only weighed a mere 2 pounds, which made her an odd match with our 45-50 pound lab puppy, Bailey.

Since she was not yet potty trained (she actually had a habit of only going on the sidewalk because she had been going on a hard floored crate in the pet shop for so long, so sad) I had folded a few clean towels into a basket just big enough for her to be unable to get out of for the night. I hummed her to sleep  and held her close to me until she fell asleep for weeks, then I gently placed her into her basket next to my bed. I was so worried because I would hear wheezing, breaking my heart all through the night. 

I took her to the vet first thing in the morning where they diagnosed her with an upper respiratory infection or "Kennel cough" went home with meds that did nothing.

In the following weeks we had switched her food to a non-wheat or by-product based, holistic: Blue Buffalo, which cleared up her tear-stains within days. We also went vet hopping until we finally found one that gave her an antibiotic that worked! I signed her up for the puppy plan at Petsmart, which has been one of the smarter decisions I've made and cut costs tons. I wish I would have started there and saved hundreds of dollars bouncing around but as long as my sweet baby got better, the money didn't matter.

Now, looking back on a healthy, 6 month old beauty, I am so happy with the things that have happened leading to where we are now. I can understand why people are adopting pet companions rather than having children. This is my baby, I would do anything for her, there is no owner or master, there is a loving mommy to a freckled sweet blonde baby and a loving bond that surpasses all outside understanding. What a whirlwind it has been but I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. 

If Tomorrow Never Comes...

It could be a delusional idea brought onto my life through a series of the "I regret seeing" genre of movie but I have always figured I would die rather young. I mean, of course, I can't know this for sure, it's likely just the inability to fathom the idea of actually choosing someone to settle down with, actually birthing children, actually growing older. I can't see it. I want it -- is that enough?

*SPOILER ALERT!*
I went to see the new summer flick One Day with Anne Hathoway (one of my favorite actresses).

And while I am not always a fan of this sort of synopsis, I loved it! Anne's character, Em, dies. She gets hit by a truck on her bicycle after she finally gets a chance with the man she has loved for twenty years. She dies, we all do, it's life. Why do people get mad that stories kill characters off? Accidents happen and people don't always survive. I loved it because it was real. I loved it because it was REAL. Dexter marries another woman in a shotgun wedding, she cheats on him, it sucks but it's realistic. Sure, it's not the ideal love story but it's a lot more like each one of ours. She dies young when everything in her love life is about to take off and she realizes that she has wasted so much time avoiding the thing that was right in front of her this whole time. She dies before she gets to marry the man that she taught to be the man of her dreams.

Love stories don't always have ideal endings but for some reason, God's plan was better that way.

What if today was all you had left?

Jesus replied, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand."
John 13:7

Blah Blah Blah Perv.

I wish I could be as honest as I used to be on this site-- I mean, it is my own page. I'm not even sure how many people read it. I am updated daily in lots of different lives that I opt out of commenting on, it's kind of the beauty of this whole thing. I don't think I would even want to know everyone that reads this, I don't want to have to censor my thoughts with a certain audience in mind.

I have been wondering something lately that I am still trying to sort through in my head: is it possible to be a liar and a great guy? Are these two things separate? Can one person be the best and worse thing that has ever happened to you?

I got out of a "long-term" relationship several months ago, (if you can call 2 1/2-ish years "long"?). I don't regret ending it, I should have broken it off even sooner for more reasons than I'll ever share, but, I didn't, I can't go back, it is what it is. Now that I have recovered from the self-inflicted lie that nobody else would love me, I have come to the realization that anyone could love me but not in the same way.

No person loves exactly like the last or the next or the one after that, no two are the same. 

I have come to love and hate that concept. I don't want those same lies, I don't want all the apologies I deserve to be ruined with excuses, I do still want someone to passionately kiss me from the pit of their heart bursting with love and adoration for me. I miss sweet little nothings.

Now, for some reason I've been getting either the guys playing the hyperbole game where they play themselves up to be these perfect guys that pretend that nothing is ever wrong in their lives (nothing turns me off faster than pretending & "perfect". Both of those?=deal breaker!) or worse, the guys that play the pity card & are so sensitive about every word I ever say that it becomes obnoxious (insecurity is always unattractive).

Or the newest addition to the "I will NEVER date" collection: A man that is smart, attractive, determined, hardworking but is a complete and total pervert.

Listen to this:
I'm going to sugarcoat this situation as much as possible and leave plenty of detail out for a perfectly sound reason. I feel a lot like Taylor Swift, song bashing boys but that is not my intention. I am seriously curious as to why guys think they can get away with things like this! I met a guy, we had a "date". He told me on the "date" that he played mind games and manipulated women to get into their pants (basically). That "date" couldn't have ended fast enough!!! I can't even believe that there are guys out there like that! Does anyone still know how to treat a Lady without being cheesy or insecure?

The more men I meet, the higher my standards get. I feel as though I have plenty of great men with morals in my life but that I push them away at the first sign of insecurity or hint that they want something more with me.

I'm am in the midst of an internal conflict. I don't want my ex but I still want a kiss like that. I still want to be cared for without having to let anyone in. I push away good things because I don't want them. Why don't I want them? Why am I letting so many good things go to waste?

Yet, my standards are still on the rise and are NONnegotiable. I'm feeling good about myself but why are all these extremists after my affection? I don't want to choose! I am a firm believer that confusion is not of the Lord. I haven't met one man I haven't had a doubt about, ever. I know God has a plan & I trust it and am excited to sit back and watch it play out but why do people have to misconstrue a friendly personality with wanting to pursue something more? Can two people of different genders ever truly just be friends?

Happy, happy, joy, joy.

Can I just say that I am really happy?

happy. HAPPY. HAPPY!!!
I really don't have any explanation for it except that I am overwhelmingly blessed with an abundance of wonderful people in my life.

I have learned to finally let go of my need to control and worry about things.
I have let go of planning every little detail of my future.
I have let go of trying to find a mate & the funny things is that since I have begun letting go, things and people have just been throwing themselves my way (in good & bad ways).
I have been trusting God and it feels better than it ever has before!

I hope that you have a revelation in your life that internalizes the idea of things you need to let go of & surrender to the Lord. Do you believe He has your best intention in mind? Do you believe it is better that your own?

You don't need a week at a Christian camp to feel the presence of God or to understand what He wants from your life here on Earth. You need to let go.

Inspiration Grows on Trees

Please go & read this:
The Inspiration Tree

What do you believe?

The most enlightened prayer isn't, "Dear God, send me someone wonderful," but, "Dear God, help me realize that I AM someone wonderful."

There are Knots in this Heart of Mine...

I feel completely trapped in the midst of holding myself up to the Christian standard & not letting myself get walked over and taken advantage of. I want to vent out the grueling details of what has been going on throughout this past week but I know it wouldn't be right. There is no possible way to tell how I've been mistreated, lied to, taken advantage of in this job of mine.

My emotions are getting the best of me and my stomach is in knots.

How I feel is beyond explanation. Everyone wants me to be mature and handle things for myself but then they go behind me to discuss the problems instead of treating me like the adult they want me to be.

I love my family. I'm glad I have a support system that stands up for me and guides me when I am in need. I am glad that at the end of the day they forgive me when I am wrong and when I am disappointing because I am the little girl in those pictures on the mantle, I am still just that little girl, learning how to be someone in this big ol' world. I'm sad that they have been drug into this bad situation by people other than myself but I am glad they had the big and bold words that I couldn't find the heart to say, even when I needed to.

Thanks God!