Unconditional Love

I've realized that when I'm feeling really passionate about something, I write about it. It starts with something brilliant in my head and by the time I reach paper, the passion has usually faded a bit and sometimes it doesn't actually get written at all but this one I must speak of.

The memory of your face haunts me. I cannot close my eyes without thinking of you, or wake into a day of sunshine without wondering how you are. I cannot breathe without caring deeply for your well-being or smile without thinking of all the features about you that I may have borrowed.

It was easy to think of you as a sort of mystery man. Someone I vaguely remember helping us build a swing-set upon a hill in our backyard, letting us paint it hot pink, then printing our hands & feet all over it in electric blue. Your handprint was there and I remembered you by it far after your departure. But now I have heard your raspy, quiet voice. I have felt your warm embrace and seen the way your toothless smile lights the faces of little girls who have missed you for so long.

I cannot keep from worrying and praying about your health or future. I cannot help but desire for you to call me or just become easily reachable.

You are so heavy on my heart, not as a burden but a deep compassion. To see truth spoken from your lips and tears shed from your eyes--to be reminded of your crooked nose or your silly ears. I cannot stop examining your face, wishing it close to mine once again, to hear you speaking of the journey that has led to redemption. The very thing I've prayed for you: you found, the Lord. & still, I am broken for you. I do not want you to travel back down the road you came from, I want you near to me & safe under my care.

But I have to be okay without you, as I once was before. Though I don't know how to surrender you to Him, I know He will take care of you. You are right, you're forgiven and I hope that you blossom beneath that forgiveness and find the joy of the Lord as your strength for all of your days.

I love you, unconditionally.