Have you ever just waken up and realized that everything about your past might have quite possibly been completely imagined? I'm starting to think that a lot of things in my past were just a mere mirage that time has constructed, they didn't actually mean anything. It's like I don't know what is real and what I made up anymore.
Someone that loved you doesn't cut you out of their lives completely. Maybe it wasn't love at all.
Lately I have been really torn up inside fighting to get over a past that seemed so real once but has left me feeling so horrible now, mostly because I don't want to tell myself it was always a lie, a bigger lie than the little ones that tore our "relationship" apart. None of it was sincere from anyone but me and now I'm the "crazy girl" that can't let things go.
Let me set this straight:
I'm not crazy, I'm just hurt. I'm hurt that I wasted the past few years of my life on something else that would abandon me in life, something else that would walk out when things got hard. I'm hurt that I put my heart through a blender and now have to try to put all the pieces back together again without knowing where to start, over a person who would never do the same for me. I'm hurt that I have to walk on eggshells now to make everyone else comfortable when I just want to scream and be upset and be "crazy" for a while toward someone that promised me things would be different, someone that promised he would never be the person my father was but did exactly that and left, forever.
It's hurtful and I've heard every excuse and none yet to justify.
You don't lie in love. You don't taint the only pure thing in this life, the only thing that gives us life at all, love.
So, as I piece back all things broken, I wonder again if it is my heart aching at all
or
if I made it all up
and rather,
it's my imagination
hurting me instead.
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